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Peninsula Kids
Home»Parenting Articles»How independence building is the pathway to your child’s resilience
Parenting Articles

How independence building is the pathway to your child’s resilience

Updated:January 25, 20234 Mins Read
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By Michael Grose

Parents and teachers often ask me how to build resilience in kids.

My response is always the same. “Start by building independence and resilience will follow.”

Children are hard-wired for independence

Sometime around the age of fifteen months (give or take three months) most children will make a strong case for self-sufficiency. They demand to do things their own way. This demand is soon backed by a strong voice – “NOOOO!” – and the more articulate cries of “I can do it!” as their third birthday approaches.

This is the time to harness their push for independence and self-sufficiency. Their push for independence will see most children take incredible physical risks in the form of play, the exploration of their immediate environment and their wish to gain mastery over their environment. Concerned parents will naturally minimise risks by moving furniture around, keeping doors closed and hiding sharp implements at home, to name a few protective measures. But parents can’t eradicate all risks. They recognise that kids will fall and hurt themselves but they’ll also get up and go again. In time, they’ll learn to assess situations, stare down their fears and test themselves out in new situations. Falling down, brushing yourself off and trying again is part of the natural learning experience for most young children. Parents don’t have to do much more than assess a situation for real dangers, stand back and allow kids to explore their environments and pull them up when their play and explorations transgresses the rights and peace of others.

So what’s this got to do with resilience?

Well, everything really. Independence is the pursuit of mastery over one’s self and one’s environment and it rarely happens without mishaps and mistakes. It nearly always involves hurt, hardship, frustration and fear. That’s where resilience comes in. Resilience is the art of bouncing forward after experiencing aforesaid hurts, hardships, frustrations and fears. Resilience is what comes from seeking out self-sufficiency and independence.

The language of Independence

The fact that there’s a whole genre of language devoted to resilience (and it’s mostly cloaked in cliché) is no accident. Terms such as “get back on the bike/horse when you fall off”; “come on, brush yourself off and get on with it”; “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” are built into the psyche of past generations. Many parents today will cringe at these terms as they appear a little callous and out of touch. Conversely the current relationship with risk and adventure (both required for independence-building), that many parents have is very tenuous at best, non-existent at worst.

Therein lies the challenge. I haven’t met a parent, carer or teacher who doesn’t want the children in their care to develop resilience that will last a lifetime. Yet, many of those same adults will block the pathway to children’s resilience by over-indulging, solving their problems and not giving them real responsibility. In doing so they deny kids the sense of mastery that comes from sorting out their own problems, getting themselves out of jams and getting up after a fall.

You can never love your children too much; but you can love them helplessly. That’s what happens when we deny kids the opportunity to become truly independent and self-sufficient. Deny self-sufficiency and you block a child’s resilience. Develop real independence and you open the pathway to resilience that will last a lifetime.


Find out how to develop real independence and resilience in your child in my latest book Spoonfed Generation: How to raise independent kids.

You’ll find more great ideas to nurture a close, loving family in my book Spoonfed Generation: How to raise independent children.

Get your copy at our online shop. www.parentingideas.com.au/product/spoonfed-generation

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Have you seen our spring Things We Love giveaways in the winter edition of Peninsula Kids mag? Mambo Australia Family Pack The Ultimate Family Spring Giveaway with Mambo! From bold-printed suitcases and insulated lunch boxes to roomy backpacks, comfy sandals and playful sunnies, this capsule has everything the family needs for their next holiday. Designed for boys and girls, with the apparel ranging in sizes 7-16 and footwear available in sizes 13-6, perfect for packing light and dressing right from head to toe. The prize pack will include the following for the winning family: 2 x each – backpacks (kids), water bottles (kids), lunch boxes (kids), pencil cases (kids), overnight bags (adult), hats (adult), beanies (adult), stubby holders (adult) valued at over $300. Selected products available from Big W. @mamboaustralia **PLEASE NOTE ALL prizes must be collected from Peninsula Kids HASTINGS office. Winners will be notified by email. Please only enter if you can collect and make sure details are entered correctly so you don’t miss out!** 👉ENTER HERE: https://peninsulakids.com.au/spring-2025-things-we-love-giveaway/
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Have you seen our spring Things We Love giveaways in the winter edition of Peninsula Kids mag? Plonkit The Plonkit solves an age-old Aussie problem – where to safely and conveniently “plonk” down your belongings when you’re outside. Made from recyclable plexiglass materials, it easily and securely connects to a glass fence, providing a sturdy place to plonk down all the essentials – drinks, sunnies, phones, snacks, speaker, sunscreen – with no worries. Functional and stylish, Plonkit helps you make the most of your balcony. Plonkit Balcony Table for framed glass fence RRP $199.00, with free shipping Australia-wide. https://plonkit.com.au/ @plonk.it **PLEASE NOTE ALL prizes must be collected from Peninsula Kids HASTINGS office. Winners will be notified by email. Please only enter if you can collect and make sure details are entered correctly so you don’t miss out!** 👉ENTER VIA LINK IN PROFILE.
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Have you seen our spring Things We Love giveaways in the winter edition of Peninsula Kids mag? LeapFrog LeapMOVE This one-of-a-kind gaming system combines education and entertainment with movement like never before, blending learning with motion via full-body gameplay! https://www.leapfrog.com/en-au/home **PLEASE NOTE ALL prizes must be collected from Peninsula Kids HASTINGS office. Winners will be notified by email. Please only enter if you can collect and make sure details are entered correctly so you don’t miss out!** 👉ENTER VIA LINK IN PROFILE.
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Sk8house Holiday Sk8 Club is the place to be this school holidays! Learn to skate with expert instructors on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10am to 11am. Then, after the class, practise all your sweet moves at the General Session from 11am to 4pm. Learn, practice, and play – with 24 hours worth of skating for just $78! That's a saving of up to $78 per person and works out to less than $4 per hour. Find out more: https://www.sk8house.com.au/ @sk8houseau
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