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Peninsula Kids
Home»Parenting Articles»What do you need from me?
Parenting Articles

What do you need from me?

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By Deanne Atkinson

What do you do when your parenting strategies and the tools you use to ensure a happy household no longer work? We all know that sinking feeling when you cook your child’s favourite meal then one day out of the blue he or she refuses to eat it and declares a new found dislike for it. Or when they start to protest against you and no longer cooperate in getting out the door each morning.

Parenting can feel like you are often navigating through life blindfolded and unprepared for the next hurdle. One minute the way you parent your children works; the next it doesn’t and you feel like you have really hit a brick wall. Frustration quickly creeps in and we can start to feel angry and resentful. 

What’s going on? Children will show you through their behaviour that something is up with them or they are struggling with something under the surface. Just like when you are trying to process some difficult emotions and you might be short tempered during this time; a little more inpatient than normal or you might be someone who withdraws until you have moved through what was troubling you. Children will also behave differently if they are stuck emotionally or struggling with something. 

It is important to see beyond the behaviour and spend some time talking to your child asking them what they are feeling. It may take a few attempts for children to open up, especially if they fear they are going to get into trouble, but keep encouraging them to express their feelings so you can then take the necessary action to help them.

Refusing to cooperate could mean they are tired of being told what to do all the time. Children want to be heard and it is easy to fall into the pattern of just telling them what you want them to do. If this is constant, a child at some point will stop and turn their ears off and dig their heels in. Next time this happens pause for a moment instead of getting angry; is there an opportunity for you to change the way you parent? Have their needs changed? Has your parenting style been overpowering and demanding rather than giving them the opportunity to make choices and have a say in their environment?

What do you need from me? This is the question I asked my teenage son when for a few days he was irritated by me and had become curt and moody. Instead of putting it down as normal teenage behaviour I sat him down and asked what he needs from me.  It was a powerful moment in time for our relationship and the way I parent him. I learnt what he no longer needed from me. We talked and talked about what he wanted, needed and what he felt capable of. I needed to adjust my parenting, pull away and give him more freedom and independence which he felt ready for. I trusted his own judgment and gave him my support. His irritation passed and he was back to his happy self.

The point I am trying to make is: look beyond your child’s behaviour to what the underlying cause could be. Be open-minded; sometimes we are the ones who need to change and consequently the children will respond positively. 

Children love to have a say on what goes on in their lives and will often thrive if their independence is nurtured with age-related choices. We all want to feel heard and not made to obey others demands. Next time you feel resistance in the household, take a breath, find the cause and then you can move forward with a plan of action. It really is an opportunity for growth, usually for everyone involved. 


Deanne Atkinson is a Parent Coach and Spiritual Counsellor and founded Parent with Passion to help reduce the negative cycle which occurs in parenting. She has a spiritual approach to parenting which is all about supporting positive emotions and personal development. She helps mums and dads who are struggling with their role.

Deanne runs parenting programs and private consultations in Mornington and Frankston.

For enquiries Deanne can be contacted on 0413 316 079 or at www.parentwithpassion.com You can also join Deanne on Facebook or Instagram

First published in Peninsula Kids – Summer 2018/19

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Mornington Peninsula Indoor Soccer Come play futsal at the Civic Centre in Mornington. MPIS strives to provide an environment for kids to feel safe, enjoy the game whatever their level, and make new friends. Register your team's interest here: https://www.mpindoorsoccer.com.au/ #mornpen #soccer #indoorsoccer #mornpenindoorsoccer #mpis
8 hours ago
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1/9
Monash University is conducting a study to better understand the challenges and support needs for parents and/or caregivers related to children’s sleep and feeding routines. Your input will help enhance resources and support for families.

To take part in the survey or learn more use the link: https://monash.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8A4012eElHQ1NQi
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Monash University is conducting a study to better understand the challenges and support needs for parents and/or caregivers related to children’s sleep and feeding routines. Your input will help enhance resources and support for families. To take part in the survey or learn more use the link: https://monash.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8A4012eElHQ1NQi
1 day ago
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2/9
Join McClelland and the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra for a music workshop on Sat 6 Sept! With guidance from MSO musicians, participants aged 10-14 will develop music skills, experiment with composition, and co-create a brand-new piece to be performed in the MSO in Your Neighbourhood concert in Mornington. 

Learn more. at this link: https://mcclelland.org.au/events/creative-music-workshop

@mcclellandgallery McClelland Sculpture Park+Gallery 
#mso #yourneighbourhoodconcert #mcclelland #creativemusicworkshop
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Join McClelland and the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra for a music workshop on Sat 6 Sept! With guidance from MSO musicians, participants aged 10-14 will develop music skills, experiment with composition, and co-create a brand-new piece to be performed in the MSO in Your Neighbourhood concert in Mornington. Learn more. at this link: https://mcclelland.org.au/events/creative-music-workshop @mcclellandgallery McClelland Sculpture Park+Gallery #mso #yourneighbourhoodconcert #mcclelland #creativemusicworkshop
2 days ago
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3/9
Just announced: 
Dr Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas Live in Concert

This festive season, the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra brings to life the beloved classic How the Grinch Stole Christmas, starring Jim Carrey. 

Watch Cindy Lou Who on the big screen as she takes matters into her own hands and turns both Whoville and the Grinch’s world upside down, inside out and funny side up in her search for the true meaning of Christmas. 

Composed by the late, great composer James Horner, witness the MSO perform the magical score live to screen this December. 

Thursday 4 December at 7.30pm
Friday 5 December at 7.30pm
Saturday 6 December at 1pm
Arts Centre Melbourne, Hamer Hall

Waitlist presale
Thursday 7 August at 10am

General public tickets on sale
Friday 8 August at 10am 

Sign up for presale access: https://bit.ly/41lB5MQ

#howthegrinchstolechristmas @melbournesymphonyorchestra
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Just announced: Dr Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas Live in Concert This festive season, the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra brings to life the beloved classic How the Grinch Stole Christmas, starring Jim Carrey. Watch Cindy Lou Who on the big screen as she takes matters into her own hands and turns both Whoville and the Grinch’s world upside down, inside out and funny side up in her search for the true meaning of Christmas. Composed by the late, great composer James Horner, witness the MSO perform the magical score live to screen this December. Thursday 4 December at 7.30pm Friday 5 December at 7.30pm Saturday 6 December at 1pm Arts Centre Melbourne, Hamer Hall Waitlist presale Thursday 7 August at 10am General public tickets on sale Friday 8 August at 10am Sign up for presale access: https://bit.ly/41lB5MQ #howthegrinchstolechristmas @melbournesymphonyorchestra
2 days ago
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4/9
Melbourne Symphony Orchestra’s Jams for Juniors comes to McClelland. Join Karen Kyriakou and MSO musicians for joyful music-making with little ones aged 0–5. Two fun-filled sessions on 6 Aug & 3 Sept. 
Tickets required for all. Book now.

https://mcclelland.org.au/events/mso-presents-jam-for-juniors-at-mcclelland

@mcclellandgallery McClelland Sculpture Park+Gallery 
#jamsforjuniors #mso
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Melbourne Symphony Orchestra’s Jams for Juniors comes to McClelland. Join Karen Kyriakou and MSO musicians for joyful music-making with little ones aged 0–5. Two fun-filled sessions on 6 Aug & 3 Sept. Tickets required for all. Book now. https://mcclelland.org.au/events/mso-presents-jam-for-juniors-at-mcclelland @mcclellandgallery McClelland Sculpture Park+Gallery #jamsforjuniors #mso
1 week ago
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5/9
…asking for a friend. 
👍 up high
❤️ down low
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…asking for a friend. 👍 up high ❤️ down low
1 week ago
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6/9
No Food Shaming.

If you grew up in the ‘80s, ‘90s, or early 2000’s, chances are you were taught to see food through a moral lens: veggies were “good,” chocolate was “bad,” and fat was something to fear. That messaging stuck.

So now, when you reach for a bag of chips after a long day or say yes to dessert, a quiet voice in the back of your mind is likely to whisper: “You shouldn’t.” You feel like you’ve done something wrong – simply for eating something you enjoy. And here’s the thing: our kids are watching. They’re listening. The way we talk about food becomes the way they relate to it.

If you want to raise confident eaters, it’s time to let go of the “good” vs “bad” food narrative and allow your kids to enjoy food without guilt or shame. Let’s be real; some foods are more nutrient-dense than others. But that doesn’t mean that we need to rank them on a scale. Instead of calling food “good” or “bad”, try talking about how it fits into the bigger picture of what our bodies need. 

Read on for a few ways to reframe the conversation:
https://peninsulakids.com.au/no-food-shaming

@nourishwithkarina Nourish with Karina 

#nofoodshaming
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No Food Shaming. If you grew up in the ‘80s, ‘90s, or early 2000’s, chances are you were taught to see food through a moral lens: veggies were “good,” chocolate was “bad,” and fat was something to fear. That messaging stuck. So now, when you reach for a bag of chips after a long day or say yes to dessert, a quiet voice in the back of your mind is likely to whisper: “You shouldn’t.” You feel like you’ve done something wrong – simply for eating something you enjoy. And here’s the thing: our kids are watching. They’re listening. The way we talk about food becomes the way they relate to it. If you want to raise confident eaters, it’s time to let go of the “good” vs “bad” food narrative and allow your kids to enjoy food without guilt or shame. Let’s be real; some foods are more nutrient-dense than others. But that doesn’t mean that we need to rank them on a scale. Instead of calling food “good” or “bad”, try talking about how it fits into the bigger picture of what our bodies need. Read on for a few ways to reframe the conversation: https://peninsulakids.com.au/no-food-shaming @nourishwithkarina Nourish with Karina #nofoodshaming
1 week ago
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7/9
🤪#bloodyrightitis #strangerthings
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🤪#bloodyrightitis #strangerthings
1 week ago
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8/9
Monday night funny. 
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣lol

#thepenthouse #foodhierarchy
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Monday night funny. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣lol #thepenthouse #foodhierarchy
2 weeks ago
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9/9
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