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Peninsula Kids
Home»Parenting Articles»How to encourage kids to be problem-solvers
Parenting Articles

How to encourage kids to be problem-solvers

Updated:July 14, 20214 Mins Read
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By: Michael Grose

When parents solve all children’s problems we not only increase their dependency on adults but we teach kids to be afraid of making mistakes and to blame themselves for not being good enough. That’s fertile ground for anxiety and depressive illness.

So, how can we raise kids to be courageous problem-solvers rather than self-critical scaredy cats?

Here are six practical ideas to get you started.[pullquote]We need to be careful that we don’t sabotage children’s efforts to be independent problem-solvers[/pullquote]

1. TURN REQUESTS INTO PROBLEMS FOR KIDS TO SOLVE

Kids get used to bringing their problems to parents to solve. If you keeping solving them, they’ll keep bringing them. ‘Mum, my sister is annoying me!’ ‘Dad, can you ask my teacher to pick me for the team?’ ‘Hey, I can’t find my socks!’ It’s tempting if you are in a time-poor family to simply jump in and help kids out. Alternatively, you can take a problem-solving approach, cuing them to resolve their own problems and take responsibility for their concerns. ‘What can you do to make her stop annoying you?’ ‘What’s the best approach to take with your teacher?’ ‘Socks, smocks! Where might they be?’

2. ASK GOOD QUESTIONS TO PROMPT PROBLEM-SOLVING

A problem-solving approach relies on asking good questions, which can be challenging if you are used to solving your child’s problems. The first question when a child brings you a problem should be: ‘Can you handle this on your own?’ Next should be, ‘What do you want me to do to help you solve the problem?’ These questions are not meant to deter children from coming to you; rather, to encourage and teach them to start working through their own concerns themselves.

3. COACH THEM THROUGH PROBLEMS AND CONCERNS

So, your child feels she was unfairly left out of a school sports team by a teacher and asks you get involved. The easiest solution may be to meet with the teacher and find out what’s going on. You may or may not resolve the problem but in doing so you are teaching a child to become dependent on you. Alternatively, you could coach your child to speak to the teacher herself and find out why she was left out. Obviously, there are times when children need their parents to be advocates for them such as when they are being bullied, but we need to make the most of the opportunities for children to speak for themselves. Better to help your child find the right words to use and discuss the best way to approach another person when they have problems. These are great skills to take into adulthood.

4. PREPARE KIDS FOR PROBLEMS AND CONTINGENCIES

You may coach your child to be independent – walk to school, spend some time alone at home (when old enough), catch a train with friends – but does he know what to do in an emergency? What happens if he comes home after school and the house is locked? Who should he go to? Discuss different scenarios with children whenever they enter new or potentially risky situations so that they won’t fall apart when things don’t go their way. Remember the Boy Scouts motto – be prepared!

5. SHOW A LITTLE FAITH

Sometimes you’ve got to show faith in children. We can easily trip them up with our negative expectations, such as by saying ‘Don’t spill it!’ to a child who is carrying a glass filled with water. Of course, your child doesn’t want to spill it but you’ve just conveyed your expectations with that statement. We need to be careful that we don’t sabotage children’s efforts to be independent problem-solvers with comments such as, ‘Now don’t stuff it up!’ ‘You’ll be okay … won’t you?’ ‘You’re not very good at looking after yourself!’

6. APPLAUD MISTAKES AND STUFF-UPS

Would a child who accidentally breaks a plate in your family while emptying the dishwasher be met with a ‘That’s really annoying. You can be clumsy sometimes’ response or an ‘It doesn’t matter, thanks for your help’ type of response? Hopefully it won’t be the first response, because nothing shuts a child’s natural tendencies to extend themselves down quicker than an adult who can’t abide mistakes. If you have a low-risk-taking, perfectionist, consider throwing a little party rather than making a fuss when they make errors so they can learn that mistakes don’t reflect on them personally, and that the sun will still shine even if they break a plate, tell a joke that falls flat or don’t get a perfect examination score.


This is an extract from Michael Grose’s new book “Spoonfed Generation: How to raise independent children” that’s been released nationally by Penguin Random House. You can get your copy now at parentingideas.com.au

Peninsula Kids – Autumn 2017

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Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
11 Aug 25
Melbourne
Events on August 12, 2025
Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
12 Aug 25
Melbourne
Events on August 13, 2025
Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
13 Aug 25
Melbourne
Events on August 14, 2025
Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
14 Aug 25
Melbourne
Events on August 15, 2025
Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
15 Aug 25
Melbourne
15 Aug
Future Council Q&A with Damon Gameau & Special Guests
15 Aug 25
Rosebud
Future Council Q&A with Damon Gameau & Special Guests
Future Council Q&A with Damon Gameau & Special Guests
15 Aug 25
Rosebud
Events on August 16, 2025
Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
16 Aug 25
Melbourne
Events on August 17, 2025
Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
17 Aug 25
Melbourne
Events on August 19, 2025
Sk8house Sensory Sessions
Sk8house Sensory Sessions
19 Aug 25
Carrum Downs
Events on August 23, 2025
AFLW - Hawthorn v Carlton
AFLW - Hawthorn v Carlton
23 Aug 25
Frankston
Events on August 30, 2025
Under The Sea Roller Disco at Sk8house
Under The Sea Roller Disco at Sk8house
30 Aug 25
Carrum Downs
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Established in 2006, Mornington Peninsula News Group (MPNG) is a locally owned and operated, independent media company.

MPNG publishes two glossy magazines: Peninsula Essence and Peninsula Kids.

MPNG also publishes five weekly community newspapers: the Western Port News, Mornington News, Southern Peninsula News, Frankston Times and Chelsea Mordialloc Mentone News.

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The Hawks are back in Frankston this weekend!

Get your tickets here:

https://www.ticketmaster.com.au/hawthorn-v-carlton-2025-nab-aflw-season-10-frankston-23-08-2025/event/130062D7A58C195D

Please Note
Junior Policy:
Children aged 0-17 as at 1 January 2025 are entitled to enter the ground at no charge; however, they must hold a valid ticket for entry.
Persons aged 18 and over as at 1 January 2025 are classified as an adult.

@hawthornaflw Hawthorn FC AFLW 
#aflw #kineticstadium #frankston
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The Hawks are back in Frankston this weekend! Get your tickets here: https://www.ticketmaster.com.au/hawthorn-v-carlton-2025-nab-aflw-season-10-frankston-23-08-2025/event/130062D7A58C195D Please Note Junior Policy: Children aged 0-17 as at 1 January 2025 are entitled to enter the ground at no charge; however, they must hold a valid ticket for entry. Persons aged 18 and over as at 1 January 2025 are classified as an adult. @hawthornaflw Hawthorn FC AFLW #aflw #kineticstadium #frankston
2 days ago
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1/9
Robots and magic and slapstick… oh my!

Following appearances on Sesame Street, Universal Kids, and on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, Mario the Maker Magician heads to Frankston next school holidays.

Contagiously upbeat and full of heart, the ever-endearing Mario leads you through a romping explosion of energy and belly laughs punctuated with moments of heart and emotion that will catch you by surprise. Not "just a kids show", this is an all-ages theatre experience!

Prepare for a world of vaudeville and magic, cardboard and robots, science and innovation, instilling a positive message that will last in the minds and hearts of all audiences.

“The best kids’ magician in the world!!”- David Blaine
"Magic with a soupçon of science." - The New York Times
"Instant and infectious chaos in the best possible way" - One4Review

MARIO THE MAKER MAGICIAN
Frankston Arts Centre
Tuesday 23 September, 2pm
Tuesday 23 September, 6pm
Wednesday 24 September, 10.30am (Relaxed Performance)
Wednesday 24 September, 1.30pm
Tickets: $20 (Family of 4: $75)

Book at thefac.com.au or call 03 9784 1060

Frankston Arts Centre @the_fac 
#frankstonartscentre #magic #familyshows #thingstodowithkids
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Robots and magic and slapstick… oh my! Following appearances on Sesame Street, Universal Kids, and on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, Mario the Maker Magician heads to Frankston next school holidays. Contagiously upbeat and full of heart, the ever-endearing Mario leads you through a romping explosion of energy and belly laughs punctuated with moments of heart and emotion that will catch you by surprise. Not "just a kids show", this is an all-ages theatre experience! Prepare for a world of vaudeville and magic, cardboard and robots, science and innovation, instilling a positive message that will last in the minds and hearts of all audiences. “The best kids’ magician in the world!!”- David Blaine "Magic with a soupçon of science." - The New York Times "Instant and infectious chaos in the best possible way" - One4Review MARIO THE MAKER MAGICIAN Frankston Arts Centre Tuesday 23 September, 2pm Tuesday 23 September, 6pm Wednesday 24 September, 10.30am (Relaxed Performance) Wednesday 24 September, 1.30pm Tickets: $20 (Family of 4: $75) Book at thefac.com.au or call 03 9784 1060 Frankston Arts Centre @the_fac #frankstonartscentre #magic #familyshows #thingstodowithkids
2 days ago
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2/9
Chasing Change, in partnership with Mornington Peninsula Shire, are holding our annual Walk for Suicide Prevention on Sunday the 14th of September. We hope that you can join us to gather, connect and remember our loved ones lost to suicide. You can find more details, including a link to register the name of a loved one for our memorial roll call, on their event page.

https://www.facebook.com/share/16wCzifSWR/

@chasingchangeau Chasing Change - Suicide Prevention Network
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Chasing Change, in partnership with Mornington Peninsula Shire, are holding our annual Walk for Suicide Prevention on Sunday the 14th of September. We hope that you can join us to gather, connect and remember our loved ones lost to suicide. You can find more details, including a link to register the name of a loved one for our memorial roll call, on their event page. https://www.facebook.com/share/16wCzifSWR/ @chasingchangeau Chasing Change - Suicide Prevention Network
5 days ago
View on Instagram |
3/9
No rest for the weary! 📚🥹
#bookweek
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No rest for the weary! 📚🥹 #bookweek
6 days ago
View on Instagram |
4/9
Mid Winter Sale
Men's Womens, Children, School Shoes
20% off any purchase*
Hurry offer ends 31/8/25
The Largest Shoe Store on the Peninsula
Bayside Shoes
103 Railway Parade, Seaford
Ph 9785 1887
https://baysideshoewarehouse.com.au/

*excludes already marked down items & new arrivals. Instore only.

@bayside_shoe_warehouse 
#midwintersale
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Mid Winter Sale Men's Womens, Children, School Shoes 20% off any purchase* Hurry offer ends 31/8/25 The Largest Shoe Store on the Peninsula Bayside Shoes 103 Railway Parade, Seaford Ph 9785 1887 https://baysideshoewarehouse.com.au/ *excludes already marked down items & new arrivals. Instore only. @bayside_shoe_warehouse #midwintersale
1 week ago
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5/9
🚌🌱 Future Council is the new film from Director Damon Gameau - and it’s screening around Australia from late July. First up - a special tour with live Q&A panels and guest performances. 🎟️ Tickets for the tour are on sale now! 🎬Future Council will then be released in more cinemas from August 7 with a global tour to follow! 🌱
@regenerators @future__council @madmanfilms Madman Films 
#futurecouncil
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🚌🌱 Future Council is the new film from Director Damon Gameau - and it’s screening around Australia from late July. First up - a special tour with live Q&A panels and guest performances. 🎟️ Tickets for the tour are on sale now! 🎬Future Council will then be released in more cinemas from August 7 with a global tour to follow! 🌱 @regenerators @future__council @madmanfilms Madman Films #futurecouncil
2 weeks ago
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6/9
Tahnee Driver initially dismissed her bloating as a possible food intolerance — maybe gluten. But six weeks ago, everything changed when the 39-year-old mother of two was urged to go to hospital after several days of being unable to keep food down. Then, following an MRI, she received a devastating diagnosis: bowel cancer. 

Read more: https://www.mpnews.com.au/2025/08/06/tahnee-faces-battle-with-stage-4-bowel-cancer
•
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Tahnee Driver initially dismissed her bloating as a possible food intolerance — maybe gluten. But six weeks ago, everything changed when the 39-year-old mother of two was urged to go to hospital after several days of being unable to keep food down. Then, following an MRI, she received a devastating diagnosis: bowel cancer. Read more: https://www.mpnews.com.au/2025/08/06/tahnee-faces-battle-with-stage-4-bowel-cancer
2 weeks ago
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7/9
🕵️🕵️🕵️
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🕵️🕵️🕵️
2 weeks ago
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8/9
It’s the globally popular video game that’s captured the attention of more than 141 million active players, but Minecraft can also play a significant role in shaping children’s development, social interactions, and cognitive learning.

Read more via the link:

https://peninsulakids.com.au/minecraft-a-gamechanger-for-childrens-learning/

#minecraft #learning #peninsulakidsmagazine #articles #education
•
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It’s the globally popular video game that’s captured the attention of more than 141 million active players, but Minecraft can also play a significant role in shaping children’s development, social interactions, and cognitive learning. Read more via the link: https://peninsulakids.com.au/minecraft-a-gamechanger-for-childrens-learning/ #minecraft #learning #peninsulakidsmagazine #articles #education
2 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
9/9
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