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Peninsula Kids
Home»Parenting Articles»How to encourage kids to be problem-solvers
Parenting Articles

How to encourage kids to be problem-solvers

Updated:July 14, 20214 Mins Read
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By: Michael Grose

When parents solve all childrenโ€™s problems we not only increase their dependency on adults but we teach kids to be afraid of making mistakes and to blame themselves for not being good enough. Thatโ€™s fertile ground for anxiety and depressive illness.

So, how can we raise kids to be courageous problem-solvers rather than self-critical scaredy cats?

Here are six practical ideas to get you started.[pullquote]We need to be careful that we don’t sabotage children’s efforts to be independent problem-solvers[/pullquote]

1. TURN REQUESTS INTO PROBLEMS FOR KIDS TO SOLVE

Kids get used to bringing their problems to parents to solve. If you keeping solving them, theyโ€™ll keep bringing them. โ€˜Mum, my sister is annoying me!โ€™ โ€˜Dad, can you ask my teacher to pick me for the team?โ€™ โ€˜Hey, I canโ€™t find my socks!โ€™ Itโ€™s tempting if you are in a time-poor family to simply jump in and help kids out. Alternatively, you can take a problem-solving approach, cuing them to resolve their own problems and take responsibility for their concerns. โ€˜What can you do to make her stop annoying you?โ€™ โ€˜Whatโ€™s the best approach to take with your teacher?โ€™ โ€˜Socks, smocks! Where might they be?โ€™

2. ASK GOOD QUESTIONS TO PROMPT PROBLEM-SOLVING

A problem-solving approach relies on asking good questions, which can be challenging if you are used to solving your childโ€™s problems. The first question when a child brings you a problem should be: โ€˜Can you handle this on your own?โ€™ Next should be, โ€˜What do you want me to do to help you solve the problem?โ€™ These questions are not meant to deter children from coming to you; rather, to encourage and teach them to start working through their own concerns themselves.

3. COACH THEM THROUGH PROBLEMS AND CONCERNS

So, your child feels she was unfairly left out of a school sports team by a teacher and asks you get involved. The easiest solution may be to meet with the teacher and find out whatโ€™s going on. You may or may not resolve the problem but in doing so you are teaching a child to become dependent on you. Alternatively, you could coach your child to speak to the teacher herself and find out why she was left out. Obviously, there are times when children need their parents to be advocates for them such as when they are being bullied, but we need to make the most of the opportunities for children to speak for themselves. Better to help your child find the right words to use and discuss the best way to approach another person when they have problems. These are great skills to take into adulthood.

4. PREPARE KIDS FOR PROBLEMS AND CONTINGENCIES

You may coach your child to be independent โ€“ walk to school, spend some time alone at home (when old enough), catch a train with friends โ€“ but does he know what to do in an emergency? What happens if he comes home after school and the house is locked? Who should he go to? Discuss different scenarios with children whenever they enter new or potentially risky situations so that they wonโ€™t fall apart when things donโ€™t go their way. Remember the Boy Scouts motto โ€“ be prepared!

5. SHOW A LITTLE FAITH

Sometimes youโ€™ve got to show faith in children. We can easily trip them up with our negative expectations, such as by saying โ€˜Donโ€™t spill it!โ€™ to a child who is carrying a glass filled with water. Of course, your child doesnโ€™t want to spill it but youโ€™ve just conveyed your expectations with that statement. We need to be careful that we donโ€™t sabotage childrenโ€™s efforts to be independent problem-solvers with comments such as, โ€˜Now donโ€™t stuff it up!โ€™ โ€˜Youโ€™ll be okay โ€ฆ wonโ€™t you?โ€™ โ€˜Youโ€™re not very good at looking after yourself!โ€™

6. APPLAUD MISTAKES AND STUFF-UPS

Would a child who accidentally breaks a plate in your family while emptying the dishwasher be met with a โ€˜Thatโ€™s really annoying. You can be clumsy sometimesโ€™ response or an โ€˜It doesnโ€™t matter, thanks for your helpโ€™ type of response? Hopefully it wonโ€™t be the first response, because nothing shuts a childโ€™s natural tendencies to extend themselves down quicker than an adult who canโ€™t abide mistakes. If you have a low-risk-taking, perfectionist, consider throwing a little party rather than making a fuss when they make errors so they can learn that mistakes donโ€™t reflect on them personally, and that the sun will still shine even if they break a plate, tell a joke that falls flat or donโ€™t get a perfect examination score.


This is an extract from Michael Groseโ€™s new book “Spoonfed Generation: How to raise independent children” thatโ€™s been released nationally by Penguin Random House. You can get your copy now atย parentingideas.com.au

Peninsula Kids – Autumn 2017

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Good luck!

Check โ€˜em out: www.reptileencounters.com.au

๐˜›&๐˜Š๐˜ด: ๐˜—๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ป๐˜ฆ ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ข ๐˜™๐˜ฆ๐˜ฑ๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ ๐˜Œ๐˜ฏ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ด ๐˜ค๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏโ€™๐˜ด ๐˜ฃ๐˜ช๐˜ณ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฅ๐˜ข๐˜บ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ต๐˜บ ๐˜ฆ๐˜น๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ. ๐˜–๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ค๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ณ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ ๐˜›๐˜ถ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ฅ๐˜ข๐˜บ 23๐˜ณ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ˆ๐˜ถ๐˜จ๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ต 2022. ๐˜—๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ต๐˜ฆ, ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜จ๐˜ช๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜บ ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ข๐˜ท๐˜ข๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ข๐˜ฃ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ข๐˜ฏ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ช๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜ด ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ 18 ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ. 
https://peninsulakids.com.au/competition-terms/
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#reptileencounters #reptiles #reptilestoyou #reptileparties #birthdayparty #experiences #experiencesforkids #kidsparties #partyideas #win #giveaway #luckykids #wildlifeupclose
  • Izzy, youโ€™re a jerk sometimes - peeing on our stuff, biting and purring all at the same time - but we wouldnโ€™t trade you for the world! (Well, most of us wouldnโ€™t - donโ€™t ask @cameronmccullough or Frankie the dogo.)
You are sugar and spice, thatโ€™s for sure! ๐ŸŒถ ๐Ÿฏ 
Happy international cat day! ๐Ÿ˜ป
โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”
#internationalcatday #spicykitty #sugarandspice #bestlapwarmer #misspurrsonality #rescue #rescuecat #familymember #furbaby #woudnthaveitanyotherway
  • I love our time together and Iโ€™ll take it however I can. This afternoon TJ and I toured the grounds at the Civic Reserve in Mornington while big sister did bball practise. 
We walked through the leash free dog park trying to get a few pats in (who are those people wandering around in here without a dog? Oh, thatโ€™s us! ๐Ÿซฃ). We found this giant hollowed tree trunk and then visited the ducks at the pond. 
I could have food shopped, or ran to the chemist, or back to work where he would glaze over watching YouTube, but I did none of that. 
Forty precious minutes filled well. 
๐Ÿ’™โ˜€๏ธ
โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”
#getitwhenyoucan #preciousmoments #fillingtimewithfamilytime #awalkinthepark #afternoonsun #together #dogstalking #duckpond #spendingtime #mamasboy #motherandson #theygrowupsofast #civicreserve #itdoesnthavetobecomplicated
  • Stephanie Alexander Kitchen Garden day! I loooove heading into the amazing outdoor kitchen/garden at my sonโ€™s school. Hanging with the kids and seeing them create food from scratch totally fills my bucket! And their bellies!
Today they dined on homemade pasta, sausage sauce, salad and bread. You go kiddos!
โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”
#kitchengarden #lunchtime #stephaniealexanderkitchengarden #kidsinthekitchen #schooldays #helpingatschool #cooking #cookingwithkids #lifeskills #cookingfromscratch #food #homemade #atschool #luckykids #yummy #yummylunch #fullbellies #lovepeninsulakids
  • Gorgeous day for a bit of footy!โ˜€๏ธ
โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”
#godoggies #gobombers #sundayswellspent #girlsfooty #winter #wintersport #sundaysport #footballallday
  • Soup, crusty bread and a fire kinda night! ๐Ÿฒ ๐Ÿฅ– ๐Ÿ”ฅ ๐ŸŒฌ 
This was my Saturday before food shop vegetable dump soup with a few chicken drumsticks I had in the freezer. Pumpkin, carrots, broccoli, onion, kale and cabbage. And a load of Parmesan grated on top. If you arenโ€™t already adding parm cheese to your soup and dipping that bread - trust me, do it! ๐Ÿง€๐Ÿ˜‹
โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”
#winter #winterfood #winternight #winterwarmers #dinner #winterdinner #hunkerdown #foodforthesoul #easyrecipes #madeup #chuckitin #getinmybelly #familydinner #soupforeveryone #feedthefamily #leftovers #dipit #easymeal #veggiedump #saturdaynightathome

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