By Gary Waldon
At least once in our lives everyone will …undoubtedly feel stuck. For me, as an author, I experience writer’s block which can lead me to choose to reroll our toilet paper rather than facing the harsh reality that I don’t know what to write next.
The feeling of being stuck happens when we find ourselves in situations where we can’t see a clear path forward. This feeling quickly grows if we think we have no control over the next steps, leaving us helpless to influence the outcome. This indecisivenes quickly grows into a debilitating condition I call ‘Stuckitis’ if we don’t take action.
Early symptoms of ‘Stuckitis’ include avoidance and procrastination but it can quickly escalate into real health issues such as anxiety, stress and depression. ‘Stuckitis’ is rarely caused by our everyday decisions such as choosing between Thai or pizza for dinner, but rather those decisions where the consequences of getting it wrong could be huge. These life-changing decisions could include deciding which career options you should chase, whether you should stay in the wrong relationship, or anything that means you will need to reinvent yourself.
Often our fear of making the wrong call means we end up not making any decision at all. People can end up stuck for all their lives, scared of screwing up and ultimately failing. However, when we face failure, we often learn we are stronger than we originally thought, helping us find a way forward by learning what works for us and equally important what doesn’t. This is where the art of reinvention is critical; finding the way forward means it needs to fit our own uniqueness and not just be an exact copy of what worked for others.
Here are six ways to move forward when you find yourself stuck in life:
- Accept that things change.
The first step forward is accepting the need to change as this is not something that just happens. Think about a relationship break-up: we don’t usually go from being deliriously happy and in love to “it’s over” in one night, unless something huge has happened. Often, we will try to avoid our reality, then try to negotiate out of having to change. Then we will feel anger and sadness around the loss of identity and who we thought we were. - Do a reality check.
When change knocks, the world we knew and the habits we relied on may not still be relevant. To ensure we get through our tough times as we adapt, we should take stock and do a reality check of who we are, where we want to be, and what are the things in our control, avoiding wasting energy on the things we can’t influence. - Empower ourselves.
If we don’t empower ourselves to get through whatever is impacting us right now, we end up leaving our lives to fate. Avoidance may lead us to buy a lottery ticket, grab a pizza and stay stuck in our current lives waiting for our numbers to come up. A more productive use of our energy and brilliance is to identify what we’re passionate about and then start figuring out how to get there. - Take action.
Dreams and fairytales are great; they provide relief from the real world. However, our thoughts and actions are often the only things within our control, so taking a planned approach is critical to keep us moving forward and staying motivated to overcome the inevitable obstacles that will come our way. - Try, then try again.
OK, tough love time. We are likely to fail along the way and end up somewhere different from where we thought we would be. Just like an infant learning to walk, we are on a journey of reinvention, trying new things and learning from our mistakes. Toddlers fall down, take stock, maybe even cry, then get back up and try again. Be the grown up! - Enjoy the journey.
Enjoy the journey, not just the destination. The only reality we have is the right here and now; staying present helps us appreciate what we have and drives us forward rather than reliving our past, which we can’t change. Also, don’t forget there are great people to help guide us, whether we realise it or not. Staying social, rather than hiding away, helps us keep our growth mindset focused forward rather than continually grieving the loss of the past.
So, next time you are feeling stuck in life, take control and start reinventing your yourself. Choosing to stay stuck and avoiding those inevitable life changes is certainly an option available to you, but you will quickly start to feel outdated and stale. Once you have felt sorry for yourself long enough, pull up your big person pants and step confidently with purpose into your unknown future. You got this!
Gary Waldon is the author of Mastering the Art of Reinvention ($32.95). He is a transformation specialist who works with people at all levels from CEOs, CIOs, business leaders and professional athletes through to teachers and anyone who needs to reinvent themselves when life changes. Find out more at www.garywaldon.com