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Peninsula Kids
Home»Spotlight»Is Praising Our Kids Good or Bad?
Spotlight

Is Praising Our Kids Good or Bad?

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By Amanda Niland

Parents say ‘good girl or ‘good boy’ all the time. Here’s why you should try and say something else.
Parents, relatives and teachers say these phrases and mean them positively. They may use it when a child puts on their shoes when asked, when they draw something interesting, or get a maths question correct. But this kind of language may not always be healthy or helpful. One issue is it doesn’t actually give children clear feedback on what they just did or said. What could you say instead?

Praise and parenting

Praise has been seen as a key part of raising children for decades. In the 1950s, influential US psychologist B.F. Skinner believed rewards, including praise, positively reinforce desired behaviours. In the 1970s, amid rising interest in self-esteem, psychologists and other child development experts emphasised the importance of praising children. But since the 2000s, psychology research has moved away from seeing self-esteem, and hence praise, as central to a child’s wellbeing.

Early childhood education has similarly shifted towards children having a positive sense of identity instead. This means children having a sense of safety, belonging and capability, rather than a strong opinion of themselves. Nevertheless, praise is still frequently mentioned in popular advice to parents.


Different kinds of praise

Some psychology researchers have defined praise as either informational (telling children about their strengths and actions) or evaluative (telling children whether or not they are good enough).
In a similar vein, US psychologist Carol Dweck categorises praise as “person praise” or “process praise”.

Person praise focuses on stable characteristics such as personality or appearance. Process praise focuses on behaviours or effort directed towards achieving an outcome, such as learning to ride a bike or a baby taking first steps. Research has found person praise can decrease young children’s motivation to challenge themselves and lead to feelings of helplessness if they fail.

In contrast, a long-term study of children whose mothers used process praise showed these children were more likely to be confident in preschool and later in primary school. Process praise is informational, giving children feedback on their efforts and strategies in achieving an outcome (“I can see by your puffing how hard you ran in that race”). Person praise tends to be evaluative, often where there is little possibility for change, or only after success (“What a winner!”).

Seeking approval or seeking improvement?

More broadly, constant praise may mean children unconsciously feel they are doing things for adult approval, rather than for themselves. This can work against the development of self-regulation and a healthy sense of identity. Adults who over-praise (particularly evaluative or person-focused praise) may assume children need external rewards to do the right thing. This doesn’t enable children to make good choices on their own.

Recent research suggests inflated praise, using words such as “incredible”, “amazing” and “wonderful”, can foster narcissistic traits by causing children to have an unrealistic sense of their own competence. This can lead children to become upset or angry at failure, partly because they perceive their worth to be conditional on meeting adults’ standards. So, counterintuitively, inflated praise can lower self-esteem.

The gender question

“Good girl/boy” also raises other issues around gender identity and self-esteem. Research involving adults found men are more likely to see praise as informational (reflecting their competence) whereas women are more likely to see praise as evaluative (implying their need to conform to set ways of behaving).

Studies of children that compared boys’ and girls’ responses to praise also found girls tended to respond more negatively to evaluative praise. While some of this research is decades old and done in the United States, it is interesting to think about why this might be, and whether it relates to how we socialise children into gender roles. What kind of unconscious messages are we communicating through our praise?

What should parents be doing instead?

Three principles can support a healthy approach to praising kids:

  1. Give children realistic feedback about their behaviour or actions. For example, “Well done. I can see you’re trying there with your kicks” as opposed to “Amazing kicking! You’re a superstar!”
  2. Focus on children’s own learning or improvement rather than on competing with others For example, “Next time, when you play that piece, how about trying it faster?” rather than “That wasn’t as quick as Sophia can play it”.
  3. Use praise that shows children they are valued regardless of what they may or may not do. For example, “Well done! I know you studied every day for this test” as opposed to “You’re Dad’s straight-A angel!”

    These approaches all support confidence, empathy and resilience in children; qualities we all need in our complex world.



    Dr Amanda Niland is an expert in early childhood education from the School of Education and Social Work at the University of Sydney.

    As published in Peninsula Kids – Summer 2024/25

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    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    7 Aug 25
    Melbourne
    Events on August 8, 2025
    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    8 Aug 25
    Melbourne
    Events on August 9, 2025
    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    9 Aug 25
    Melbourne
    Events on August 10, 2025
    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    10 Aug 25
    Melbourne
    Events on August 11, 2025
    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    11 Aug 25
    Melbourne
    Events on August 12, 2025
    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    12 Aug 25
    Melbourne
    Events on August 13, 2025
    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    13 Aug 25
    Melbourne
    Events on August 14, 2025
    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    14 Aug 25
    Melbourne
    Events on August 15, 2025
    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    15 Aug 25
    Melbourne
    15 Aug
    Future Council Q&A with Damon Gameau & Special Guests
    15 Aug 25
    Rosebud
    Future Council Q&A with Damon Gameau & Special Guests
    Future Council Q&A with Damon Gameau & Special Guests
    15 Aug 25
    Rosebud
    Events on August 16, 2025
    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    16 Aug 25
    Melbourne
    Events on August 17, 2025
    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    Dive into Immersive Adventure with Nintendo’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons at SEA LIFE Melbourne!
    17 Aug 25
    Melbourne
    Events on August 19, 2025
    Sk8house Sensory Sessions
    Sk8house Sensory Sessions
    19 Aug 25
    Carrum Downs
    Events on August 23, 2025
    AFLW - Hawthorn v Carlton
    AFLW - Hawthorn v Carlton
    23 Aug 25
    Frankston
    Events on August 30, 2025
    Under The Sea Roller Disco at Sk8house
    Under The Sea Roller Disco at Sk8house
    30 Aug 25
    Carrum Downs
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    ABOUT

    Established in 2006, Mornington Peninsula News Group (MPNG) is a locally owned and operated, independent media company.

    MPNG publishes two glossy magazines: Peninsula Essence and Peninsula Kids.

    MPNG also publishes five weekly community newspapers: the Western Port News, Mornington News, Southern Peninsula News, Frankston Times and Chelsea Mordialloc Mentone News.

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    Instagram
    Have you entered our Things We Love winter competitions?
We're choosing winners Monday, so hurry up!

ENTER HERE: https://peninsulakids.com.au/winter-2025-things-we-love-giveaway/
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    Have you entered our Things We Love winter competitions? We're choosing winners Monday, so hurry up! ENTER HERE: https://peninsulakids.com.au/winter-2025-things-we-love-giveaway/
    1 day ago
    View on Instagram |
    1/9
    The Hawks are back in Frankston this weekend!

Get your tickets here:

https://www.ticketmaster.com.au/hawthorn-v-carlton-2025-nab-aflw-season-10-frankston-23-08-2025/event/130062D7A58C195D

Please Note
Junior Policy:
Children aged 0-17 as at 1 January 2025 are entitled to enter the ground at no charge; however, they must hold a valid ticket for entry.
Persons aged 18 and over as at 1 January 2025 are classified as an adult.

@hawthornaflw Hawthorn FC AFLW 
#aflw #kineticstadium #frankston
    •
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    The Hawks are back in Frankston this weekend! Get your tickets here: https://www.ticketmaster.com.au/hawthorn-v-carlton-2025-nab-aflw-season-10-frankston-23-08-2025/event/130062D7A58C195D Please Note Junior Policy: Children aged 0-17 as at 1 January 2025 are entitled to enter the ground at no charge; however, they must hold a valid ticket for entry. Persons aged 18 and over as at 1 January 2025 are classified as an adult. @hawthornaflw Hawthorn FC AFLW #aflw #kineticstadium #frankston
    2 days ago
    View on Instagram |
    2/9
    Robots and magic and slapstick… oh my!

Following appearances on Sesame Street, Universal Kids, and on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, Mario the Maker Magician heads to Frankston next school holidays.

Contagiously upbeat and full of heart, the ever-endearing Mario leads you through a romping explosion of energy and belly laughs punctuated with moments of heart and emotion that will catch you by surprise. Not "just a kids show", this is an all-ages theatre experience!

Prepare for a world of vaudeville and magic, cardboard and robots, science and innovation, instilling a positive message that will last in the minds and hearts of all audiences.

“The best kids’ magician in the world!!”- David Blaine
"Magic with a soupçon of science." - The New York Times
"Instant and infectious chaos in the best possible way" - One4Review

MARIO THE MAKER MAGICIAN
Frankston Arts Centre
Tuesday 23 September, 2pm
Tuesday 23 September, 6pm
Wednesday 24 September, 10.30am (Relaxed Performance)
Wednesday 24 September, 1.30pm
Tickets: $20 (Family of 4: $75)

Book at thefac.com.au or call 03 9784 1060

Frankston Arts Centre @the_fac 
#frankstonartscentre #magic #familyshows #thingstodowithkids
    •
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    Robots and magic and slapstick… oh my! Following appearances on Sesame Street, Universal Kids, and on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, Mario the Maker Magician heads to Frankston next school holidays. Contagiously upbeat and full of heart, the ever-endearing Mario leads you through a romping explosion of energy and belly laughs punctuated with moments of heart and emotion that will catch you by surprise. Not "just a kids show", this is an all-ages theatre experience! Prepare for a world of vaudeville and magic, cardboard and robots, science and innovation, instilling a positive message that will last in the minds and hearts of all audiences. “The best kids’ magician in the world!!”- David Blaine "Magic with a soupçon of science." - The New York Times "Instant and infectious chaos in the best possible way" - One4Review MARIO THE MAKER MAGICIAN Frankston Arts Centre Tuesday 23 September, 2pm Tuesday 23 September, 6pm Wednesday 24 September, 10.30am (Relaxed Performance) Wednesday 24 September, 1.30pm Tickets: $20 (Family of 4: $75) Book at thefac.com.au or call 03 9784 1060 Frankston Arts Centre @the_fac #frankstonartscentre #magic #familyshows #thingstodowithkids
    3 days ago
    View on Instagram |
    3/9
    Chasing Change, in partnership with Mornington Peninsula Shire, are holding our annual Walk for Suicide Prevention on Sunday the 14th of September. We hope that you can join us to gather, connect and remember our loved ones lost to suicide. You can find more details, including a link to register the name of a loved one for our memorial roll call, on their event page.

https://www.facebook.com/share/16wCzifSWR/

@chasingchangeau Chasing Change - Suicide Prevention Network
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    Chasing Change, in partnership with Mornington Peninsula Shire, are holding our annual Walk for Suicide Prevention on Sunday the 14th of September. We hope that you can join us to gather, connect and remember our loved ones lost to suicide. You can find more details, including a link to register the name of a loved one for our memorial roll call, on their event page. https://www.facebook.com/share/16wCzifSWR/ @chasingchangeau Chasing Change - Suicide Prevention Network
    6 days ago
    View on Instagram |
    4/9
    No rest for the weary! 📚🥹
#bookweek
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    No rest for the weary! 📚🥹 #bookweek
    7 days ago
    View on Instagram |
    5/9
    Mid Winter Sale
Men's Womens, Children, School Shoes
20% off any purchase*
Hurry offer ends 31/8/25
The Largest Shoe Store on the Peninsula
Bayside Shoes
103 Railway Parade, Seaford
Ph 9785 1887
https://baysideshoewarehouse.com.au/

*excludes already marked down items & new arrivals. Instore only.

@bayside_shoe_warehouse 
#midwintersale
    •
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    Mid Winter Sale Men's Womens, Children, School Shoes 20% off any purchase* Hurry offer ends 31/8/25 The Largest Shoe Store on the Peninsula Bayside Shoes 103 Railway Parade, Seaford Ph 9785 1887 https://baysideshoewarehouse.com.au/ *excludes already marked down items & new arrivals. Instore only. @bayside_shoe_warehouse #midwintersale
    1 week ago
    View on Instagram |
    6/9
    🚌🌱 Future Council is the new film from Director Damon Gameau - and it’s screening around Australia from late July. First up - a special tour with live Q&A panels and guest performances. 🎟️ Tickets for the tour are on sale now! 🎬Future Council will then be released in more cinemas from August 7 with a global tour to follow! 🌱
@regenerators @future__council @madmanfilms Madman Films 
#futurecouncil
    •
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    🚌🌱 Future Council is the new film from Director Damon Gameau - and it’s screening around Australia from late July. First up - a special tour with live Q&A panels and guest performances. 🎟️ Tickets for the tour are on sale now! 🎬Future Council will then be released in more cinemas from August 7 with a global tour to follow! 🌱 @regenerators @future__council @madmanfilms Madman Films #futurecouncil
    2 weeks ago
    View on Instagram |
    7/9
    Tahnee Driver initially dismissed her bloating as a possible food intolerance — maybe gluten. But six weeks ago, everything changed when the 39-year-old mother of two was urged to go to hospital after several days of being unable to keep food down. Then, following an MRI, she received a devastating diagnosis: bowel cancer. 

Read more: https://www.mpnews.com.au/2025/08/06/tahnee-faces-battle-with-stage-4-bowel-cancer
    •
    Follow
    Tahnee Driver initially dismissed her bloating as a possible food intolerance — maybe gluten. But six weeks ago, everything changed when the 39-year-old mother of two was urged to go to hospital after several days of being unable to keep food down. Then, following an MRI, she received a devastating diagnosis: bowel cancer. Read more: https://www.mpnews.com.au/2025/08/06/tahnee-faces-battle-with-stage-4-bowel-cancer
    2 weeks ago
    View on Instagram |
    8/9
    🕵️🕵️🕵️
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    🕵️🕵️🕵️
    2 weeks ago
    View on Instagram |
    9/9
    View on Instagram
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