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Peninsula Kids
Home»Parenting Articles»Keeping sibling peace at home
Parenting Articles

Keeping sibling peace at home

Updated:July 14, 20215 Mins Read
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KEEPING SIBLING PEACE AT HOME

By: Michael Grose

How do you respond when kids fight and argue? Do you make a plea for peace, order the combatants to their bedrooms, or find out who caused the infraction?

It’s almost impossible to stay out of kids’ fights as they’re usually noisy, and invariably at least one child will come to you to intervene.

Sibling fighting is so common these days that it seems to be the first commandment of childhood: Thou shalt fight and argue with your brother and sister until your parents can’t stand it any longer.

Parenting ideas research suggests sibling fighting is a concern in three out of every four families with more than one child.

It helps to have a realistic attitude to children’s disputes. Kids are learners when it comes to resolving conflict so physical means, name-calling and bickering are commonly their preferred tools.

Conflict itself is not harmful, but the way disagreements are resolved is the big issue for parents.

There are two broad approaches you can take when kids fight – get involved or stay out of it. You need to be led by their age and maturity, and ability to sort things out themselves, as well as the nature of the problem itself. Some issues such as seating rights on the family couch are not worth fighting over so wise parents will stay right out of this issue.

If you decide to remain neutral then ‘bear it, beat it or boot them out when they fight’ is your best policy. That means put up with the fight if you can, go into another room or send kids outside if they are fighting.

This approach works when sibling fighting is for the purpose of involving parents, which it often is.  It gets you out of the picture.

Parents are as predictable as washing machine cycles; always responding to kids’ cries for help so kids soon work out they have a great way to keep mum or dad busy with them.  If this is the case, then break the pattern by refusing to become involved. “You guys can work this out for yourself” is the idea.

There are times when you just can’t ignore a fight and your assistance is needed to resolve the dispute. If this is the case, let them know you’ll help them work out a solution to their problem but avoid taking sides, which they invariably want.

Use kids’ conflict as a teachable moment where you can coach them to resolve their relationship issues in more socially acceptable ways than hitting, yelling and sulking. Here’s some ideas to help with sibling squabbles:

  1. Focus on emotions first.
    Get kids to calm down before you talk with them. This may mean they sit on their own or go outside and let off steam physically. Validate their emotions. “You seem pretty worked up about this.“ “Yep, I can see you’re mad at your sister.“
  2. Focus on the problem, not the fight.
    Ignore the “she hit me first“ type of arguments kids often put forward. Drill down to the issue at hand. If it’s a dispute over TV watching then focus on better ways of sharing the TV rather than focusing on the fight.
  3. Get them to see two sides the story.
    The hardest part in any dispute, whether in a family or an international conflict, is to get those involved to see the other side of the story. Listen to your kids and try to get them to see the situation from the other’s viewpoint. “What do you think your brother wants?” It’s also useful to get kids to think about their own responses and look for better ways to respond next time. “What were you thinking when you took your sister’s toy?” “What would you do next time?”
  4. Restore the relationship.
    Focus on relationships rather than on problems. With young children, in particular, the issue they were fighting about is generally long-forgotten by the time a parent intervenes. An apology, a hug or a joint treat are some ways to help restore relationships with kids.

The measure of a strong family is not so much whether siblings fight, but if they pull together when the chips are down. This is the case in most families. Kids love each other hard, and unfortunately for a parent’s peace of mind, they’ll fight just as hard too.

Effective parents know that kids generally need to be given opportunities to resolve their own relationships issues themselves. But they also recognise that some sibling disputes offer valuable opportunities to teach kids the skills to resolve conflict without resorting to power or other less savoury means.


Want more ideas to help you raise confident kids and resilient young people? Subscribe to Happy Kids newsletter, my FREE weekly email parenting guide at parentingideas.com.au. You’ll be so glad you did!

First published in Peninsula Kids Magazine –  Winter 2016

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Established in 2006, Mornington Peninsula News Group (MPNG) is a locally owned and operated, independent media company.

MPNG publishes two glossy magazines: Peninsula Essence and Peninsula Kids.

MPNG also publishes five weekly community newspapers: the Western Port News, Mornington News, Southern Peninsula News, Frankston Times and Chelsea Mordialloc Mentone News.

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Melbourne Symphony Orchestra’s Jams for Juniors comes to McClelland. Join Karen Kyriakou and MSO musicians for joyful music-making with little ones aged 0–5. Two fun-filled sessions on 6 Aug & 3 Sept. 
Tickets required for all. Book now.

https://mcclelland.org.au/events/mso-presents-jam-for-juniors-at-mcclelland

@mcclellandgallery McClelland Sculpture Park+Gallery 
#jamsforjuniors #mso
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Melbourne Symphony Orchestra’s Jams for Juniors comes to McClelland. Join Karen Kyriakou and MSO musicians for joyful music-making with little ones aged 0–5. Two fun-filled sessions on 6 Aug & 3 Sept. Tickets required for all. Book now. https://mcclelland.org.au/events/mso-presents-jam-for-juniors-at-mcclelland @mcclellandgallery McClelland Sculpture Park+Gallery #jamsforjuniors #mso
3 days ago
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1/9
…asking for a friend. 
👍 up high
❤️ down low
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…asking for a friend. 👍 up high ❤️ down low
3 days ago
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2/9
No Food Shaming.

If you grew up in the ‘80s, ‘90s, or early 2000’s, chances are you were taught to see food through a moral lens: veggies were “good,” chocolate was “bad,” and fat was something to fear. That messaging stuck.

So now, when you reach for a bag of chips after a long day or say yes to dessert, a quiet voice in the back of your mind is likely to whisper: “You shouldn’t.” You feel like you’ve done something wrong – simply for eating something you enjoy. And here’s the thing: our kids are watching. They’re listening. The way we talk about food becomes the way they relate to it.

If you want to raise confident eaters, it’s time to let go of the “good” vs “bad” food narrative and allow your kids to enjoy food without guilt or shame. Let’s be real; some foods are more nutrient-dense than others. But that doesn’t mean that we need to rank them on a scale. Instead of calling food “good” or “bad”, try talking about how it fits into the bigger picture of what our bodies need. 

Read on for a few ways to reframe the conversation:
https://peninsulakids.com.au/no-food-shaming

@nourishwithkarina Nourish with Karina 

#nofoodshaming
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No Food Shaming. If you grew up in the ‘80s, ‘90s, or early 2000’s, chances are you were taught to see food through a moral lens: veggies were “good,” chocolate was “bad,” and fat was something to fear. That messaging stuck. So now, when you reach for a bag of chips after a long day or say yes to dessert, a quiet voice in the back of your mind is likely to whisper: “You shouldn’t.” You feel like you’ve done something wrong – simply for eating something you enjoy. And here’s the thing: our kids are watching. They’re listening. The way we talk about food becomes the way they relate to it. If you want to raise confident eaters, it’s time to let go of the “good” vs “bad” food narrative and allow your kids to enjoy food without guilt or shame. Let’s be real; some foods are more nutrient-dense than others. But that doesn’t mean that we need to rank them on a scale. Instead of calling food “good” or “bad”, try talking about how it fits into the bigger picture of what our bodies need. Read on for a few ways to reframe the conversation: https://peninsulakids.com.au/no-food-shaming @nourishwithkarina Nourish with Karina #nofoodshaming
4 days ago
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3/9
🤪#bloodyrightitis #strangerthings
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🤪#bloodyrightitis #strangerthings
4 days ago
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4/9
Monday night funny. 
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣lol

#thepenthouse #foodhierarchy
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Monday night funny. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣lol #thepenthouse #foodhierarchy
5 days ago
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5/9
#spiritanimal
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#spiritanimal
7 days ago
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6/9
Take my 13-year-old's money.

#moneyburningahole #theyllbuyanything #spendspendspend
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Take my 13-year-old's money. #moneyburningahole #theyllbuyanything #spendspendspend
1 week ago
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7/9
AT 94 years old, Frank Brown is living proof that creativity knows no age. A beloved gem to the community of Hastings, Frank has become an unlikely celebrity at FiRST Early Learning Hastings thanks to his handcrafted dioramas. 

Read the full story using the link:
https://www.mpnews.com.au/2025/07/22/94-year-old-brings-tiny-world-magic-to-kids

#morningtonpeninsula #hastings #localcelebrity 
@firstearlylearning FiRST Early Learning 
Photo: Gary Sissons
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AT 94 years old, Frank Brown is living proof that creativity knows no age. A beloved gem to the community of Hastings, Frank has become an unlikely celebrity at FiRST Early Learning Hastings thanks to his handcrafted dioramas. Read the full story using the link: https://www.mpnews.com.au/2025/07/22/94-year-old-brings-tiny-world-magic-to-kids #morningtonpeninsula #hastings #localcelebrity @firstearlylearning FiRST Early Learning Photo: Gary Sissons
1 week ago
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8/9
The Myth of the Perfect Parent
Somewhere along the way, we’ve been sold this idea that good parenting means never messing up. That if we just try hard enough, read the right books, and avoid raising our voices, we’ll somehow unlock the secret to raising perfectly adjusted children. But here’s the truth which I finally accepted: there is no perfect way to parent. There are only good days and bad days. There are moments when you handle things beautifully and moments when you yell something ridiculous like, “WHY ARE YOUR SHOES IN THE FRIDGE?” There are times when you feel like a hero and times when you feel like a complete failure. And that’s okay.

https://peninsulakids.com.au/mumming-the-art-of-failing-and-why-thats-totally-fine/

@drunkmummysobermummy
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The Myth of the Perfect Parent Somewhere along the way, we’ve been sold this idea that good parenting means never messing up. That if we just try hard enough, read the right books, and avoid raising our voices, we’ll somehow unlock the secret to raising perfectly adjusted children. But here’s the truth which I finally accepted: there is no perfect way to parent. There are only good days and bad days. There are moments when you handle things beautifully and moments when you yell something ridiculous like, “WHY ARE YOUR SHOES IN THE FRIDGE?” There are times when you feel like a hero and times when you feel like a complete failure. And that’s okay. https://peninsulakids.com.au/mumming-the-art-of-failing-and-why-thats-totally-fine/ @drunkmummysobermummy
2 weeks ago
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9/9
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