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Peninsula Kids
Home»Spotlight»Meltdowns and Tantrums
Spotlight

Meltdowns and Tantrums

Updated:March 4, 20246 Mins Read
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By Gen Muir

What if the secret to helping our children with meltdowns was as simple as leaning in, not out? What if mostly what our kids need is us for to surrender and accept the emotion?

When our child is having a meltdown, every instinct in our body wants to stop the noise, help our child, or protect ourselves. We can know the parent we want to be in these moments in theory, and yet in the moment we can find our palms sweating, our shoulders tensed, our jaw clenched, our heart rate elevating and a strong feeling of ‘No, no, no, not THIS again!’. Many parents describe it as ‘walking on eggshells’; they know a meltdown is coming and they’ll do anything to prevent it.

If our desire is to stop the meltdown, we may attempt to distract our child, solve the problem or even ignore or punish our child, in the hope it will help. In all these instances we are dealing with the behaviour only (i.e. stopping the crying/yelling/whingeing/ stomping) and we are not dealing with the underlying emotion, which is the cause of the meltdown.

Meltdowns are like smoke alarms

One of the ways to think about all behaviour, including meltdowns, is to picture that your child having a meltdown is the smoke alarm going off on the roof. It’s loud, annoying, inconvenient and it sometimes gives us a fright. Trying to stop a meltdown in a child by focusing only on stopping the behaviour is like trying to stop the smoke alarm going off by pointing your hose at the alarm. We are missing the reason the alarm went off; we need to find the fire. The behaviour is the smoke alarm going off, but the fire is the underlying emotions; the reason why your child is melting down.

While a child may be crying because you peeled their banana wrongly, if you only deal with the crying (the behaviour) you are missing the point. We need to help our child to start to understand the reason they are crying, because there is always an underlying emotion, even if we can’t name it.

We’ve all felt the public shame of our child not coping in a social situation. We think, ‘My child will never learn to socialise with others! This is so embarrassing; What will the neighbours think?’ I can’t imagine there is a parent on earth who doesn’t cringe at the thought of a public meltdown because we’ve all felt that complex mix of emotions that happen when our child loses it in front of others.

And it’s hard to meet our child’s emotions when we are being blinded by our own. For this reason, we need to learn how to lean in to emotions and find the fire as often as possible at home, so that when a meltdown happens in front of others, we’ve had some practice. This can help our reactivity.

Five steps to finding the fire

  1. First, we pause
    We need to first be aware that it’s likely that we are in a state of shame, or at least embarrassed. It never, ever feels good when our child loses it in public, or in front of others. Offer yourself compassion because these moments in parenting are HARD. By acknowledging that we feel embarrassed, we are less likely to yell at or shame our child from that place where we are unaware what’s driving our responses. Try taking a deep breath and placing your hand on your heart. Ground yourself, ready to be what your child needs and prevent a reaction that comes from shame.
  2. Focus only on what THIS moment requires
    Tune in to your child’s emotional state and recognise that no child wants to yell at their friends and make a social mistake. This is compassion. Refrain from scrolling forward in your mind and picturing that they might ‘never learn to be resilient’ and if they ‘carry on like this they will never make friends’ etc. It won’t help you at this moment, and can be simply fear talking.
    Try a mantra: ‘This is a good kid having a hard time.’
  3. Contain
    This is where we take charge if needed and this may be by containing the situation. You may need to get close, take charge and step in with the intention of helping your child. Remember no kid wants to get it wrong so you need to help them out when they need it.
    A father could try saying: ‘I am not going to let you yell at your friends. Let’s get inside so that we can calm down together. Girls, we will be back in a second.’
  4. Name it to tame it
    Finding the fire is all about looking beyond the behaviour of yelling to the feelings underneath. When we talk about what might be happening for our child, we build their ability to regulate better next time.
    Once in the room the father could say: ‘Wow, things got really out of hand there. You have worked on building this activity all day. You were so excited and when the girls didn’t want to play your idea you got disappointed and maybe even a little embarrassed they didn’t like your idea? I get it. I would have been absolutely gutted if I were you too.’ This works to uncover the underlying emotion and source of ‘the fire’.
  5. Then we coach
    Maybe you and your child hug, maybe you sit in silence for a second, but once you notice your child is in a better state to hear, you might say: ‘What do you think we should do now?’
    The father might say, ‘I wonder if the girls also had their own idea in mind? Maybe we could go and suggest a compromise, that we play their idea for 10 minutes and then we do the obstacle course?

    What do you think?’
    Many people reading this may be immediately recalling a moment that didn’t go like the above. If you are feeling like you recently got it all wrong, please remember we are trying to get this stuff right around 30–40 per cent of the time. Be kind to yourself – you are doing much better than you think.

This is an edited extract from Little People, Big Feelings by Gen Muir
– out now, Macmillan Australia, RRP $36.99.

As published in Peninsula Kids – Autumn 2024

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Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
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Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
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Red Hill
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
2 Dec 23
Chadstone
02 Dec
Peninsula Toy Run
2 Dec 23
Rosebud
Events on December 3, 2023
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
3 Dec 23
Chadstone
Crib Point Fire Brigade open day for all
Crib Point Fire Brigade open day for all
3 Dec 23
Crib Point
Events on December 4, 2023
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
4 Dec 23
Chadstone
Events on December 5, 2023
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
5 Dec 23
Chadstone
Events on December 6, 2023
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
6 Dec 23
Chadstone
Events on December 7, 2023
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
7 Dec 23
Chadstone
Events on December 8, 2023
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
8 Dec 23
Chadstone
Events on December 9, 2023
09 Dec
Little Beauty Market
9 Dec 23
Frankston
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
9 Dec 23
Chadstone
09 Dec
Music in the Park 2023
9 Dec 23
Mornington
Events on December 10, 2023
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
10 Dec 23
Chadstone
10 Dec
Carols by Kingston
10 Dec 23
Chelsea
Events on December 11, 2023
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
11 Dec 23
Chadstone
Events on December 12, 2023
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
12 Dec 23
Chadstone
Events on December 13, 2023
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
13 Dec 23
Chadstone
Events on December 14, 2023
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
14 Dec 23
Chadstone
Events on December 15, 2023
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
15 Dec 23
Chadstone
15 Dec
Sunset Twilight Market - Friday's at the Waterfront
15 Dec 23
Frankston
15 Dec
Somerville Christmas Carols
15 Dec 23
Somerville
Events on December 16, 2023
16 Dec
Emu Plains Market
16 Dec 23
Balnarring
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
16 Dec 23
Chadstone
Mornington Racecourse Twilight Market
Mornington Racecourse Twilight Market
16 Dec 23
Mornington
Events on December 17, 2023
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
17 Dec 23
Chadstone
17 Dec
Mornington's Christmas Festival
17 Dec 23
Mornington
17 Dec
Monthly Repair Workshop
17 Dec 23
HASTINGS
more...
Events on December 18, 2023
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
18 Dec 23
Chadstone
Events on December 19, 2023
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
19 Dec 23
Chadstone
Events on December 20, 2023
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
20 Dec 23
Chadstone
Events on December 21, 2023
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
21 Dec 23
Chadstone
Events on December 22, 2023
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
22 Dec 23
Chadstone
Events on December 23, 2023
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
23 Dec 23
Chadstone
Events on December 24, 2023
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
Holiday Bricktacular is sleighing at LEGOLAND® Discovery Centre Yule love it!
24 Dec 23
Chadstone
Events on December 30, 2023
30 Dec
Dromana Community Market
30 Dec 23
Dromana
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Established in 2006, Mornington Peninsula News Group (MPNG) is a locally owned and operated, independent media company.

MPNG publishes two glossy magazines: Peninsula Essence and Peninsula Kids.

MPNG also publishes five weekly community newspapers: the Western Port News, Mornington News, Southern Peninsula News, Frankston Times and Chelsea Mordialloc Mentone News.

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Wait…it’s not a pic of a lake??? 
What do you see???
mornpenkids
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Wait…it’s not a pic of a lake??? What do you see???
4 days ago
View on Instagram |
1/9
If this is your first experience of winter with a baby you might be wondering what you need to do to protect them from the elements. Babywearing is a wonderful start as you each warm the other. You can top that up with hats, mittens and booties but go easy with coats and suits. Rather than thick single garments, add an extra layer or two. Avoid bulky hoods which can restrict free head movement. Keep in mind, as you rug them up, that your body is a wonderful heat bank for your child. Light layers plus protection for the head, hands and feet is the way to go. You can pop “baby legs” leg warmers on to keep exposed legs warmer.

Read more here: https://peninsulakids.com.au/baby-its-cold-outside/
Or via link to mag in bio.

#babyitscoldoutside @peninsulakidsmagazine #lovepeninsulakids
mornpenkids
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If this is your first experience of winter with a baby you might be wondering what you need to do to protect them from the elements. Babywearing is a wonderful start as you each warm the other. You can top that up with hats, mittens and booties but go easy with coats and suits. Rather than thick single garments, add an extra layer or two. Avoid bulky hoods which can restrict free head movement. Keep in mind, as you rug them up, that your body is a wonderful heat bank for your child. Light layers plus protection for the head, hands and feet is the way to go. You can pop “baby legs” leg warmers on to keep exposed legs warmer. Read more here: https://peninsulakids.com.au/baby-its-cold-outside/ Or via link to mag in bio. #babyitscoldoutside @peninsulakidsmagazine #lovepeninsulakids
5 days ago
View on Instagram |
2/9
👀😮 Ooooh..this looks gooooood. Has anyone read the book?

Betrayal and revenge come knocking on The Family Next Door this August!

The ABC, Screen Australia and VicScreen are pleased to announce the thrilling six-part suburban mystery drama series The Family Next Door will premiere on Sunday 10 August at 8pm on ABC TV, with all episodes available to stream on ABC iview.

It’s peak holiday season in the popular seaside town of Osprey Point when an enigmatic stranger, Isabelle (Palmer) rents a family home in a quiet cul-de-sac. As Isabelle charms her way into her neighbours’ homes and lives, she quickly discovers that everyone at Pleasant Court has something to hide. How far will her obsessive drive to solve a mystery push her to expose the truth?

Based on New York Times bestselling Australian author Sally Hepworth’s novel of the same name, this sophisticated and entertaining mystery blends drama and humour while exploring family dynamics through the unique lens of award-winning screenwriter Sarah Scheller (Strife, The Letdown) and Emma Freeman’s (The Newsreader, Interview with the Vampire) character-driven directorial skills.

#abciview #sallyhepworth #thefamilynextdoor
mornpenkids
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👀😮 Ooooh..this looks gooooood. Has anyone read the book? Betrayal and revenge come knocking on The Family Next Door this August! The ABC, Screen Australia and VicScreen are pleased to announce the thrilling six-part suburban mystery drama series The Family Next Door will premiere on Sunday 10 August at 8pm on ABC TV, with all episodes available to stream on ABC iview. It’s peak holiday season in the popular seaside town of Osprey Point when an enigmatic stranger, Isabelle (Palmer) rents a family home in a quiet cul-de-sac. As Isabelle charms her way into her neighbours’ homes and lives, she quickly discovers that everyone at Pleasant Court has something to hide. How far will her obsessive drive to solve a mystery push her to expose the truth? Based on New York Times bestselling Australian author Sally Hepworth’s novel of the same name, this sophisticated and entertaining mystery blends drama and humour while exploring family dynamics through the unique lens of award-winning screenwriter Sarah Scheller (Strife, The Letdown) and Emma Freeman’s (The Newsreader, Interview with the Vampire) character-driven directorial skills. #abciview #sallyhepworth #thefamilynextdoor
6 days ago
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3/9
Bring the kids to experience live theatre at Frankston Arts Centre in August!

An instant Australian classic, Beetle by Legs On The Wall tells the story of a child who finds a friend in her backyard; together they embark on an adventure to search for his family, the now elusive Christmas Beetle.

The magic of the bush habitat is brought to life through Legs On The Wall’s trademark physical storytelling, and animation created from original artworks by beloved children’s author and illustrator Freya Blackwood.

A tale of resilience and hope, Beetle reminds young audiences that there’s an important place in the world for all of us. Reminding us of the delicate balance of the natural world and that all things are connected.

This charming, nostalgic and uniquely Australian show invites children and families to join the adventure, encountering larger than life beetles, stick insects, and other bush critters while finding out about the uncanny nature and delicate balance of the bush environment. See it on Friday 22 August at 11am or 6pm at Frankston Arts Centre. Tickets are available at thefac.com.au or by calling 03 9784 1060.

#whatson #fac #kidstheatre #frankstonartscentre #beetlebylegsonthewall
@the_fac
mornpenkids
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Bring the kids to experience live theatre at Frankston Arts Centre in August! An instant Australian classic, Beetle by Legs On The Wall tells the story of a child who finds a friend in her backyard; together they embark on an adventure to search for his family, the now elusive Christmas Beetle. The magic of the bush habitat is brought to life through Legs On The Wall’s trademark physical storytelling, and animation created from original artworks by beloved children’s author and illustrator Freya Blackwood. A tale of resilience and hope, Beetle reminds young audiences that there’s an important place in the world for all of us. Reminding us of the delicate balance of the natural world and that all things are connected. This charming, nostalgic and uniquely Australian show invites children and families to join the adventure, encountering larger than life beetles, stick insects, and other bush critters while finding out about the uncanny nature and delicate balance of the bush environment. See it on Friday 22 August at 11am or 6pm at Frankston Arts Centre. Tickets are available at thefac.com.au or by calling 03 9784 1060. #whatson #fac #kidstheatre #frankstonartscentre #beetlebylegsonthewall @the_fac
1 week ago
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4/9
Pretty much!
mornpenkids
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Pretty much!
1 week ago
View on Instagram |
5/9
Epson launches four new EcoTank printers as sales top 100 million and the company remains number one in large ink tank printer sales.

EcoTank inkjet printers are world leaders in providing improved productivity for homes and small businesses for a number of reasons.

Firstly, they come with up to two years’ worth of ink in the box, so you don’t need to worry about suddenly running out or constantly ordering replacements. This also means less user intervention due to fewer replaceable parts, giving you back time to invest in yourself and your business.

There is zero warm-up time and a very fast first page out time with EcoTank printers and this, combined with their unique Heat-Free Technology, saves you time, energy, money and allows you greater flexibility for your home or small business.

The new Epson EcoTank ET-4950, ET-3950, ET-3900 and ET-2950 printers come with a 24 month EcoTank Back to Base Warranty (12 month standard express warranty and an bonus additional 12 months upon registration) and are available now from https://www.epson.com.au/ecotank/, and all authorised Epson stockists.

#epsonecotank #ad @epsonaust @Epson
mornpenkids
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Epson launches four new EcoTank printers as sales top 100 million and the company remains number one in large ink tank printer sales. EcoTank inkjet printers are world leaders in providing improved productivity for homes and small businesses for a number of reasons. Firstly, they come with up to two years’ worth of ink in the box, so you don’t need to worry about suddenly running out or constantly ordering replacements. This also means less user intervention due to fewer replaceable parts, giving you back time to invest in yourself and your business. There is zero warm-up time and a very fast first page out time with EcoTank printers and this, combined with their unique Heat-Free Technology, saves you time, energy, money and allows you greater flexibility for your home or small business. The new Epson EcoTank ET-4950, ET-3950, ET-3900 and ET-2950 printers come with a 24 month EcoTank Back to Base Warranty (12 month standard express warranty and an bonus additional 12 months upon registration) and are available now from https://www.epson.com.au/ecotank/, and all authorised Epson stockists. #epsonecotank #ad @epsonaust @Epson
3 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
6/9
2026 kinder registrations are now open!
If your child turns three or four by 30 April next year, they are eligible to attend kinder!

Register before 2 July 2025: www.mornpen.vic.gov.au/kindergarten

#kinder #kinderregistration2026
mornpenkids
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2026 kinder registrations are now open! If your child turns three or four by 30 April next year, they are eligible to attend kinder! Register before 2 July 2025: www.mornpen.vic.gov.au/kindergarten #kinder #kinderregistration2026
3 weeks ago
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7/9
Elmo’s Circus Dream, a dazzling new live stage spectacular making its world premiere at Caulfield Racecourse these upcoming July School Holidays from June 27th to August 3rd, 2025.

Tickets and information: https://www.sesamestreetcircus.com.au/

#sesamestreetcircus 

@sesamestreetcircus 
@cavanaghpr
mornpenkids
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Elmo’s Circus Dream, a dazzling new live stage spectacular making its world premiere at Caulfield Racecourse these upcoming July School Holidays from June 27th to August 3rd, 2025. Tickets and information: https://www.sesamestreetcircus.com.au/ #sesamestreetcircus @sesamestreetcircus @cavanaghpr
1 month ago
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8/9
❄️ Winter is here! And along with it, a fresh edition on Peninsula Kids magazine. Enjoy flipping through the pages that celebrate the season’s highlights so that you can make the most of the frostier months with your loved ones. 🥰
🌬️ Link to read in bio
————————————————————————————
#peninsulakids #peninsulakidsmagazine #winter #lovepeninsulakids #mpgrown #local #pregnnacyandbaby #creative #education #health #spotlight #recipes
mornpenkids
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❄️ Winter is here! And along with it, a fresh edition on Peninsula Kids magazine. Enjoy flipping through the pages that celebrate the season’s highlights so that you can make the most of the frostier months with your loved ones. 🥰 🌬️ Link to read in bio ———————————————————————————— #peninsulakids #peninsulakidsmagazine #winter #lovepeninsulakids #mpgrown #local #pregnnacyandbaby #creative #education #health #spotlight #recipes
1 month ago
View on Instagram |
9/9
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