The holiday season brings together joy, chaos, and an overwhelming pressure to do everything right. Itโs a time of connection and exhaustion, especially for women who often bear the brunt of holiday planning, childcare, and emotional labour. From managing kids on school breaks to navigating the emotional weight of family traditions and New Yearโs resolutions, itโs easy to feel stretched thin. Building emotional resilience can help you approach this busy season with grace – and maybe even find moments of peace. Hereโs how:
Kids, Chaos, and Christmas Break
When the school term ends, your house transforms from a quiet workspace into a mini circus. Kids at home over the holidays bring joy but also noise, mess, and relentless energy. Itโs easy to feel like youโre failing if you canโt keep up with their demands, but hereโs the truth: you donโt have to. Reframe your perspective. Instead of seeing the chaos as a problem, consider it a โrough road.โ These moments, though challenging, are opportunities to connect with your kids and create lasting memories. If theyโre bored, frustrated, or fighting, step back. Ask yourself: does this situation require me to fix it, or is this just part of their learning and growth?
Introduce structured downtime. Create small ritualsโlike a daily holiday movie or a family walkโthat help the whole household reset. Most importantly, give yourself permission to step away when you need it. Taking a moment to breathe isnโt selfish; itโs essential for your well-being.
The Christmas Crunch
The weeks leading up to Christmas often feel like a marathon. Between shopping for gifts, attending school events, decorating, and juggling family expectations, the pressure to create a โperfect holidayโ can be overwhelming. But perfection is a myth; chasing it will only leave you drained.
Embrace the idea that the โrough roadโ is part of the journey. Plans may go awryโthe turkey might burn, the gifts might not arrive on timeโbut these bumps are often where the most memorable moments are born. Instead of focusing on perfection, focus on connection. Ask yourself: am I doing this because it brings joy to my family or because I feel like I should?
If itโs the latter, let it go. Itโs also okay to delegate. Get your partner or kids involved in holiday tasks, even if it means the tree isnโt decorated precisely the way youโd like. The time saved is far more valuable than a perfectly trimmed tree. And remember, saying โnoโ to extra obligations is a gift you can give yourself.
The Pressure of a New Year
As the calendar flips, we often feel compelled to reinvent ourselves. New Yearโs resolutions can be a source of inspiration, but they can also carry the weight of past failures. That pressure to changeโand the fear of failing againโcan make January feel more daunting than exciting. Try shifting your mindset. Instead of treating the New Year as a deadline for drastic changes, view it as a checkpoint. Ask yourself: what do I want to explore this year? This approach takes the pressure off and invites curiosity.
For instance, rather than saying, โIโll lose 10 kilos by March,โ say, โI want to explore ways to feel healthier and more energised.โ This softer approach creates room for growth without the harsh self-criticism that can derail your efforts. Remember, resilience is built not by avoiding failure but by adapting when things are unplanned.
Breaking Free from Emotional Loops
The holidays amplify emotions, from joy and excitement to frustration and disappointment. Itโs easy to get stuck in emotional cycles, where minor stressorsโlike a crowded shopping mall or a last-minute schedule changeโtrigger outsized reactions. Recognising these patterns is the first step to breaking free. When you feel overwhelmed, pause and name the emotion. Are you frustrated, anxious, or tired? Once youโve identified it, ask yourself: what do I need right now? Maybe itโs a quiet moment, a snack, or simply permission to feel your feelings without judgment.
You can also reframe your emotions as opportunities. If your patience is tested by long lines or traffic, consider it a chance to practice staying calm. A simple shift in perspectiveโlike saying, โThis is improving my resilienceโโcan help you regain control and keep the situation from spiralling.
Responding with Choice
The holidays will throw challenges your way: family conflicts, unrealistic expectations, or the inevitable mishaps. However, how you respond to these situations is entirely up to you.
When a situation feels out of control, remind yourself that you have choices. Instead of reacting with frustration when the kids spill juice on the freshly cleaned floor, pause, breathe, and respond calmly. Shifting your language can help, too. Instead of saying, โThis always happens to me,โ try saying, โThis is frustrating, but I can handle it.โ
Focusing on what you can controlโyour reactionsโyouโll feel more empowered and less overwhelmed. And when others try to pull you into their emotional storms, remember: itโs not your job to steer their ship. Your role is to stay steady at your helm.
The holidays donโt have to be perfect to be meaningful. By embracing the rough roads, breaking free from emotional cycles, and responding with choice, you can create an authentic and fulfilling season. Prioritise your well-being alongside your familyโs joy. You deserve to feel as much peace and happiness as you work hard to create for everyone else.
Dr Jane Foster is a leading educator, researcher, presenter and author of โItโs In Your Hands; Your Steering Wheel, Your Choiceโ. Combining her educational skills with neuroscience and positive psychology, Jane equips people with strategies to help build emotional resilience and manage their daily stresses, successfully changing perspectives and creating new neural pathways. For more information, visit website: www.emotionalresiliencetraining.com.au