By Dr Tim Moss
Some days, starting a conversation in the car after school can be like trying to get blood from a stone. But there is one event that’s guaranteed to spark enthusiastic discussion in our car on the way home from school and in the days after: a visit from The Man Cave.
The Man Cave workshops in our schools provide a safe space for young men and boys to talk openly and honestly about the things that concern them. For my older son, The Man Cave workshops provided an environment to talk about underground support for Andrew Tate and created an opportunity to address misogyny at school. My younger son was surprised to learn about the hidden struggles of some of his friends, and how few of his peers have multiple positive male role models; he valued the chance to support an upset friend. Experiences like these have been repeated thousands of times over 12 years, during The Man Cave workshops, with over 110,000 Australian young men and boys.
These rich experiences have been translated into evidence that provides insight into the things that young men and boys are thinking about: their place in the world, their needs, and the sorts of things that are holding them back from being their best. Data from The Man Cave workshops show:
- 1 in 5 boys feel alone in what they’re going through
- 1 in 10 boys have no hope for the future
- 1 in 2 boys think the biggest problem facing young men is poor mental health
- 2 in 5 boys feel like they have to act strong, even if they feel scared or nervous
- 1 in 5 boys think they should solve their problems alone
These findings are consistent with national data showing that 1 in 3 young men aged 16-24 have a mental health condition (anxiety, depression or substance use) and international studies that show increasing rates of loneliness in young men. The data also show how traditional masculine traits like stoicism and independence can get in the way of boys seeking help. At a time when suicide is the greatest killer of young Australian men, The Man Cave data urge action.
The most value from The Man Cave’s work comes from their demonstration of programs and approaches that succeed in supporting boys and young men. Their workshops reduce the number of boys and young men who feel lonely or hopeless, and who believe they must always be strong and independent. They increase the number of boys who feel capable of managing their mental health and wellbeing. They do this by setting an example.
The principles that guide The Man Cave’s activities are things that we can all do to support boys and young men:
- Be a role model. A foundation of trust can be built from sharing our own stories and leading by example.
- Talk with boys and young men, not to them or about them. Try to understand them. Balance depth with play, and meet them where they are – both emotionally and physically.
- Make it safe for boys and young men to be vulnerable. Resistance to honest and open communication occurs when there’s a need that’s not being met.
- Recognise and encourage characteristics like stoicism, discipline and independence as strengths, just like empathy, authenticity and help-seeking when they’re appropriate. They’re all useful tools but it’s important to choose the right one (or combination) for the job.
The Man Cave workshops also use a strategy that is known to work when it comes to engaging men and boys in topics related to their health: they go to where boys are. They do this not only through their workshops in schools, but also online. With tens of thousands of followers and millions of interactions, The Man Cave’s social media accounts magnify their engagement with young men and boys. They also provide parents with valuable insight into the world of their children.
The types of conversations that started in our car after visits from The Man Cave continue, and they’re not just confined to the car. We’ve fostered the sense of having a safe space together where no topic is taboo and all questions and answers are welcomed. We’re still faced by the same problems as everyone else, but we have greater and more diverse experience, information sources and resources to deal with them.
Don’t forget to check out healthymale.org.au for evidence-based information and articles about men’s and boys’ health, and the Dad Starts Now podcast for real life stories about men’s adventures becoming fathers.
You can check out The Man Cave online at themancave.life