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Peninsula Kids
Home»Parenting Articles»The Perfect Mother Quest … discontinued
Parenting Articles

The Perfect Mother Quest … discontinued

Updated:July 14, 20214 Mins Read
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By Katarina Wallentin

When my daughter was brand new in this world, small, red, wrinkly and (of course) the most beautiful baby ever, I looked into her eyes and melted.

In that moment I decided that nothing bad would ever happen to her.

I would be the perfect parent, come rain or shine.

And I tried really, really hard to achieve this goal. I read every parenting book I could find, tried baby yoga and baby swimmingโ€ฆ and always worried if I was doing the right thing.

I stayed in constant judgement of myself to make sure I didnโ€™t miss a beat in my quest to be the perfect mother.

Then one night, I was trying to teach my daughter to sleep by using some kind of scream-a-certain-number-of-minutes technique that someone recommended.

It was horrible! She screamed and screamed and screamed and I sat on the sofa and ignored her until the โ€œrightโ€ number of minutes had passed. I went in quickly and left again.

She kept screaming โ€“ with that tone of being completely lost and left alone, that breaks oneโ€™s heart. And I still didnโ€™t go in until the โ€œrightโ€ number of minutes had past โ€“ even though my whole being wanted, desired and demanded to.

I will never forget that evening. My heart kept breaking, my daughter kept screaming…

Then finally, I went in and she had thrown up in her bed from screaming.

At that point something inside the very core of me said ENOUGH!

This quest ends now.

Enough of listening to other people.

Enough of trying to get it โ€œrightโ€.

Enough of not following my knowing.

That evening I chose something different. I chose to start following what I knew — and asked questions about what would work for me and my daughter.

This was my first step towards conscious parenting โ€“ parenting based on including everything and judging nothing.

So how does one do that? Well โ€“ there is no right and perfect way to parent consciously. That is the whole point!

Conscious parenting is about what you know and what you would like to create with your child or children. It is an ongoing exploration and adventure.

Here are three easy ways to start:

1. Ask real questions โ€“ and honour the answer

Most questions are actually statements with a question mark attached at the end.

For example, as parents, we often ask our kids questions like: โ€œWould you like to go to grandmaโ€™s?โ€ when we really mean, โ€œWeโ€™re going to grandma’s and you are coming.โ€.

What if instead you would try asking real questions? Questions where you actually havenโ€™t decided the answer already and are willing to look and honour the answer you receive?

It is different, It is not how many of us have been taught to parent, and it can create a completely different world for both you and your children.

2. Trust your knowing โ€“ and your childโ€™s

We know what will work or not โ€“ even before we try it. And that knowing actually has nothing to do with thinking about it, discussing or rationalizstion it or trying to figure out the pros and cons of the situation.

It is instant, we just know.

And so do our children. My daughter, who is now 15 years old, is right on when it comes to what will work for her and me when it comes to visiting relatives, going to parties, travellingโ€ฆ She just knows. And now I listen.

3. Be willing to be wrong

You will get things wrong. None of this is scientifically proven or has a set of fail-proof rules to follow. You will get awareness from what you choose and, sometimes, being wrong will create way more than being right.

When youโ€™re willing to say to your child โ€“ โ€œsorry, I was totally wrong about all of thatโ€ โ€“ she or he learns that it is olay to make mistakes.ย  They learn that they donโ€™t have to be perfect!

What a gift!

What if my story above does not mean that screaming techniques are awful, wrong and bad? It didnโ€™t work for me, but it may work for you.

If you judge it and put it in the drawer of things that are now โ€œwrong and badโ€, youโ€™re off the path of conscious parenting again.

What if you ask some questions instead, and follow your knowing.

And even if you get it wrong, it is ok. You can choose something else.

Remember, you donโ€™t have to be perfect, and there is no such thing as the perfect parent.


Katarina Wallentin is the co-author of the The Baby Unicorn Manifesto.

www.thebabyunicornmanifesto.com

Seeย GIVEAWAYS for your chance to WIN a copy of The Baby Unicorn Manifesto.

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#reptileencounters #reptiles #reptilestoyou #reptileparties #birthdayparty #experiences #experiencesforkids #kidsparties #partyideas #win #giveaway #luckykids #wildlifeupclose
  • Izzy, youโ€™re a jerk sometimes - peeing on our stuff, biting and purring all at the same time - but we wouldnโ€™t trade you for the world! (Well, most of us wouldnโ€™t - donโ€™t ask @cameronmccullough or Frankie the dogo.)
You are sugar and spice, thatโ€™s for sure! ๐ŸŒถ ๐Ÿฏ 
Happy international cat day! ๐Ÿ˜ป
โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”
#internationalcatday #spicykitty #sugarandspice #bestlapwarmer #misspurrsonality #rescue #rescuecat #familymember #furbaby #woudnthaveitanyotherway
  • I love our time together and Iโ€™ll take it however I can. This afternoon TJ and I toured the grounds at the Civic Reserve in Mornington while big sister did bball practise. 
We walked through the leash free dog park trying to get a few pats in (who are those people wandering around in here without a dog? Oh, thatโ€™s us! ๐Ÿซฃ). We found this giant hollowed tree trunk and then visited the ducks at the pond. 
I could have food shopped, or ran to the chemist, or back to work where he would glaze over watching YouTube, but I did none of that. 
Forty precious minutes filled well. 
๐Ÿ’™โ˜€๏ธ
โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”
#getitwhenyoucan #preciousmoments #fillingtimewithfamilytime #awalkinthepark #afternoonsun #together #dogstalking #duckpond #spendingtime #mamasboy #motherandson #theygrowupsofast #civicreserve #itdoesnthavetobecomplicated
  • Stephanie Alexander Kitchen Garden day! I loooove heading into the amazing outdoor kitchen/garden at my sonโ€™s school. Hanging with the kids and seeing them create food from scratch totally fills my bucket! And their bellies!
Today they dined on homemade pasta, sausage sauce, salad and bread. You go kiddos!
โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”
#kitchengarden #lunchtime #stephaniealexanderkitchengarden #kidsinthekitchen #schooldays #helpingatschool #cooking #cookingwithkids #lifeskills #cookingfromscratch #food #homemade #atschool #luckykids #yummy #yummylunch #fullbellies #lovepeninsulakids
  • Gorgeous day for a bit of footy!โ˜€๏ธ
โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”
#godoggies #gobombers #sundayswellspent #girlsfooty #winter #wintersport #sundaysport #footballallday
  • Soup, crusty bread and a fire kinda night! ๐Ÿฒ ๐Ÿฅ– ๐Ÿ”ฅ ๐ŸŒฌ 
This was my Saturday before food shop vegetable dump soup with a few chicken drumsticks I had in the freezer. Pumpkin, carrots, broccoli, onion, kale and cabbage. And a load of Parmesan grated on top. If you arenโ€™t already adding parm cheese to your soup and dipping that bread - trust me, do it! ๐Ÿง€๐Ÿ˜‹
โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”
#winter #winterfood #winternight #winterwarmers #dinner #winterdinner #hunkerdown #foodforthesoul #easyrecipes #madeup #chuckitin #getinmybelly #familydinner #soupforeveryone #feedthefamily #leftovers #dipit #easymeal #veggiedump #saturdaynightathome

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