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Peninsula Kids
Home»Parenting Articles»When Crisis Comes Calling
Parenting Articles

When Crisis Comes Calling

Updated:July 8, 20255 Mins Read
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Nothing quite prepares you, as a parent, for the moment your child stops being able to hold it all together. The sudden collapse of the smile, the spark, the motivation. The moment when their pain no longer hides behind school routines and friendships, and instead spills into the home in the most heartbreaking of ways. And yet, stories like these are quietly unfolding in homes and schools everywhere.

We are raising young people in a world that’s louder, faster, and more complex than the one we grew up in—and they are struggling. We see it in the school refusal, the friendship breakdowns, the emotional outbursts, and the quiet disconnection. But often, by the time we see it, they’re already at breaking point.

As a mother, educator, and someone who has lived through this, I feel compelled to share what I’ve learned—not as an expert, but as someone who has sat on the kitchen floor with a child who didn’t want to be here anymore and had to figure out how to keep going.

What we’re missing

So much of what we label as “bad behaviour” is actually unspoken pain. Young people lash out, withdraw, or self-sabotage when they don’t have the words — or the space — to say what they’re really feeling. And more often than not, these behaviours are part of complex social dynamics that unfold beneath the surface.

I’ve seen this in classrooms and around dinner tables: the friend who turns on someone in the group, the child who justifies cruelty because of fear or loyalty, the student who bullies out of insecurity, and the child who becomes the target and doesn’t know how to make it stop.

The truth is that good kids can do harmful things when they’re emotionally overwhelmed or disconnected from themselves. And until we stop treating behaviour as the whole story, we will keep missing the chance to truly help them.

What can we do?

Over the past few years, through both personal experience and professional learning, I’ve come to believe that emotional education is the missing piece. Not just for students, but for the whole community around them.

Here are five things that make a real difference:

  1. Recognise that hurt people CAN hurt people
    Behaviour is often a mask for fear, shame, or insecurity. If we want to address what’s happening on the outside, we need to understand what’s happening within.
  2. Normalise mental health conversation
    Silence and secrecy create shame. When we speak openly about emotional struggles, we make it safer for young people to do the same.
  3. Teach the ‘why’ behind emotions
    Self-awareness isn’t fluffy; it’s foundational. When kids understand their own inner world, they’re better equipped to respond instead of react.
  4. Model accountability
    It’s not about being perfect but rather it’s about showing them how to repair. When adults own their missteps, young people learn it’s safe to grow from theirs.
  5. Use story to build empathy
    Every child has a story we don’t know. When we lead with curiosity instead of judgement, compassion becomes possible.

Support for the adults, too

What I’ve also learned is that this work isn’t just for young people, it’s for us, too. In parent sessions I now run, I’ve watched adults come to powerful realisations about the role they unknowingly play in their children’s emotional world. One father once said to me, “I thought I was supporting my son, but I realised I was just pushing my own fears onto him.” That kind of insight changes families.

Teachers and school staff, too, need tools that look beyond behaviour. Emotional intelligence frameworks like the SCARF model (which explores social triggers such as status, fairness, and connection) and the Iceberg Model (which looks beneath behaviour to the emotions, values, and unmet needs underneath) offer a lens that brings greater understanding and a more human approach to discipline and support.

A different future is possible

There’s no easy fix, but there is a better way forward; one grounded in awareness, empathy, and the courage to look inward as much as you look outward. If you’re a parent or educator navigating this terrain, I want you to know that you are not alone; there is no shame in struggle, and there is always room to grow. As for my daughter; she, like so many teenagers, is still figuring out who she is. But she’s still here, and for that, I am endlessly grateful.

I’ve since dedicated my work to emotional intelligence education, not just because it helped save our family, but because I believe it can change the culture of every school and every home that’s willing to do the work. “We’re all doing the best we know how, but when we know better, we can be better.”


Amanda Stokes is an educator, facilitator, and the founder of The Knowing Self – a program that supports emotional awareness, psychological safety, and stronger relationships across school communities. Her work draws from both professional experience and personal lessons learned the hard way. To learn more, visit www.theknowingself.com.au

As published in Peninsula Kids – Winter 2025

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Bring the kids to experience live theatre at Frankston Arts Centre in August! An instant Australian classic, Beetle by Legs On The Wall tells the story of a child who finds a friend in her backyard; together they embark on an adventure to search for his family, the now elusive Christmas Beetle. The magic of the bush habitat is brought to life through Legs On The Wall’s trademark physical storytelling, and animation created from original artworks by beloved children’s author and illustrator Freya Blackwood. A tale of resilience and hope, Beetle reminds young audiences that there’s an important place in the world for all of us. Reminding us of the delicate balance of the natural world and that all things are connected. This charming, nostalgic and uniquely Australian show invites children and families to join the adventure, encountering larger than life beetles, stick insects, and other bush critters while finding out about the uncanny nature and delicate balance of the bush environment. See it on Friday 22 August at 11am or 6pm at Frankston Arts Centre. Tickets are available at thefac.com.au or by calling 03 9784 1060. #whatson #fac #kidstheatre #frankstonartscentre #beetlebylegsonthewall @the_fac
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Epson launches four new EcoTank printers as sales top 100 million and the company remains number one in large ink tank printer sales. EcoTank inkjet printers are world leaders in providing improved productivity for homes and small businesses for a number of reasons. Firstly, they come with up to two years’ worth of ink in the box, so you don’t need to worry about suddenly running out or constantly ordering replacements. This also means less user intervention due to fewer replaceable parts, giving you back time to invest in yourself and your business. There is zero warm-up time and a very fast first page out time with EcoTank printers and this, combined with their unique Heat-Free Technology, saves you time, energy, money and allows you greater flexibility for your home or small business. The new Epson EcoTank ET-4950, ET-3950, ET-3900 and ET-2950 printers come with a 24 month EcoTank Back to Base Warranty (12 month standard express warranty and an bonus additional 12 months upon registration) and are available now from https://www.epson.com.au/ecotank/, and all authorised Epson stockists. #epsonecotank #ad @epsonaust @Epson
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